These Fukken Feelings Podcast©
Are you tired of feeling alone in your emotional struggles? Tune in to These Fukken Feelings Podcast! Hosted by mental health advocates, our weekly show explores life's ups and downs, from relationships and anxiety to loss and happiness. With honest conversations, you'll get practical tips for managing emotions and living your best life. Join us every week for inspiration, motivation, and a bit of humor. Subscribe now and start feeling better today! Note: Our podcast is not a substitute for professional advice. If you're in crisis, please contact emergency services immediately.
These Fukken Feelings Podcast©
From Chaos to Joy: Mel's Journey of Embracing Emotions, Mental Health, and Authentic Connections | Season 3 Episode 333
What if embracing your emotions is the key to unlocking true joy? Join us on These Fukken Feelings Podcast as we welcome the extraordinary Melissa Trumbull, affectionately known as Mel, who takes us on a journey from her chaotic past to becoming a joy visionary. Mel’s candid story reveals how she turned her life around by shifting her mindset and taking ownership of her decisions, as chronicled in her book "Big Book of Bad Ideas." Along the way, we explore the stigma surrounding mental health, illustrated by a powerful narrative of an 18-year-old fighting to convince his father that seeking help is a strength, not a weakness.
Relationships and self-discovery form another crucial part of our conversation. Reflecting on personal experiences with grief, we delve into the importance of truly embracing and processing our emotions for healing. The balance between solitude and companionship, especially as our social circles evolve, is also highlighted. Personal anecdotes and humor paint a vivid picture of the ups and downs of life, emphasizing the continuous pursuit of self-improvement and happiness. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of the human experience, filled with raw honesty and warmth.
Family dynamics and the path to self-acceptance come into focus as we share stories of growing up in a large family with complex histories. We discuss how faith and traumatic experiences intersect and the journey of reconciling belief in a higher power amidst suffering. Mel’s insights guide us through the importance of finding the right support system, whether through therapy or community groups. Authentic communication and genuine connections are key themes, offering listeners valuable resources and inspiration for their own paths to healing and self-discovery. Join us for an episode that promises to be as enlightening as it is engaging.
CHAPTERS:
00:00 - Intro
01:00 - Guest Intro
04:35 - Talk to Parents About Mental Health
08:15 - Healing While Hurting
13:44 - Trauma and Love
17:57 - Mike’s Love Life
20:52 - Where It All Started
23:20 - First Job Experience
24:04 - What is ZFG Living
29:31 - The Big Book of Bad Ideas
33:35 - Religion and the Catholic Church
38:45 - Adult Children of Alcoholics
39:20 - Childhood Trauma
43:39 - The Power of Saying No
46:38 - Scheduling Worry Time
52:20 - How Diagnosis Helps
55:10 - Seek Help Even If It’s Not "That Bad"
1:02:42 - Last Words
#MentalHealthAwareness, #EmotionalHealing, #SelfDiscovery, #JoyVisionary, #MelissaTrumbull, #BigBookOfBadIdeas, #FamilyDynamics, #GriefRecovery, #AuthenticCommunication, #FaithAndTrauma, #SupportSystems, #TherapyJourney, #Companionship, #SelfImprovement, #HumanExperience, #MentalHealthStigma, #HealingJourney, #PodcastEpisodes, #PersonalGrowth, #EmbraceYourEmotions #TheseFukkenFeelingsPodcast #TraumaIsExpensive
https://zfgliving.com/
you don't have to be positive all the time. It's perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared and anxious. Having feelings doesn't make you a negative person. It doesn't even make you weak. It makes you human and we are here to talk through it all. We welcome you to these fucking feelings podcast, a safe space for all who needs it. Grab a drink and take a seat. The session begins now.
Speaker 2:What is up guys? Welcome to these fucking feelings podcast. I am Micah. I'm here with my special guest, mel. I just wanted to point out that I don't know what camera I'm looking at right now. I'm crooked, but that's because Producer Crystal's not here and I'm scared if I touch anything. It took me 40 minutes to get the camera to turn on, okay, so y'all gonna have to deal with me like this today. Mel, thanks for coming on as we were talking in the little green room, as people call it.
Speaker 2:She was supposed to be on in January. So she was one of the many people that I canceled on due to my cancer diagnosis and I was explaining that I'm back in remission. More of the story. We went on a we did like a 90 day really aggressive form of chemo because they thought they caught it so early that I can go into remission quickly. So I kind of did chemo for 90 days straight, which is crazy. Yeah, destroyed me a little bit. I kind of wanted to like just be done with it. But I'm back, I feel great and that's why producer Crystal's not here, because she's sick and I'm like yo stay where you at, because do?
Speaker 2:not bring that to me.
Speaker 3:A hundred percent and we want to share, but not all that.
Speaker 2:Right, and before we go any further, I'm losing you here. Sorry, I told you. Look, I'm sorry guys, my whole system messed up.
Speaker 3:You need some hot glue and some finger paints and it's going to be perfect.
Speaker 2:Finger paints or duct tape. Duct tape fix everything. But before we go any further, mel, one thing that we like to do is we like to ask our guests to introduce themselves, because no one knows you better than you. So tell our audience a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. Thanks for having me on. I am Melissa Trumbull. You can call me Mel. I'm your joy visionary. I am all about measurably increasing joy in the world. How do I know how to do that, you ask? Hold on, please, I'll tell you. So I wrote a book oh look, it's behind me Wink, wink, big book of bad ideas, and this was just about all the craptastic decision making that I had engaged in in my oh, I don't know entire life, and, you know, growing up in the abusive household, with the sexual abuse and the physical abuse and the like. Well, if I'm going to suffer, I'm going to do what I want. You know that doesn't exactly cultivate a self-nurturing mindset, shall we say.
Speaker 3:So you know I just like rocked every crappy decision you could do and I was on divorce number two, two and maybe we are siblings.
Speaker 3:I'm telling you. So there's nothing more humiliating than that like feeling when your your veins turn to ice water and you're like I am the problem, I am the master creator of all of this chaos, because, no matter who I'm with, it's a freaking disaster. And even though I've been in therapy since I was 12, thank you to my grade school for making my family send me, because that actually did do a lot of help, but I was still doing it. And so then I started working on like mindset Okay, I was doing taxes at the time, right, I'm an accountant, you know and then I start learning about it.
Speaker 3:I'm writing my book, like all this stuff is happening, and then all of a sudden, I'm like I'm kind of awesome, right, oh, I've always been kind of awesome, like how can I teach this to other people? So that's that's why I do what I do. I talk to, you know, corporations to help them with their teams and coach individuals and groups. And, of course, you know books, journaling, like come on, get those pencils ready the physical act of writing. I mean, I'm just going to be like fire hosing it. I'll try to calm down.
Speaker 2:It's okay. No, no, fire hose it. Luckily it's recorded, so people always rewind and go back and listen, right, 100%, 100%. But look, I'm going to, actually, we're going to go right back into it. We're going to go right into it, right. So on our social media, usually when a person like sends a text, I will reply back. As long as it's not inviting me to their only fans, I'm like I'm good. I mean, unless you want to give me a free membership, we can talk about that later. Or it's some bullcrap. Usually I respond.
Speaker 2:So today I was texting with a guy and, um, he, he's younger, I think he's about 18 years old and he was talking about his dad and he was saying you know to his dad, anything that had anything to do with mental health equal weakness, right. So you know he, they lost their mother a couple of years ago, so she passed away. So he knows his father's going through it. Because he's going through it, you know. And he's like I, I can't, I can't do anything because my father thinks I'm weak. If I cry, you know, like it's been six years, I should be over it now. I shouldn't be crying, no more. So he was basically asking me how, the how should he, how would he convince his father that that mental health is something that doesn't have to be negative or, you know, that doesn't have to have all these stigmas about it, and that it can actually be good for you, and I was wondering what advice you would have gave.
Speaker 3:Well, first I would explain the definition of troglodyte, and that is people who live in caves, like apparently, where his father has been for these past decades of an enormous awareness wave of mental health and let's frame it as mental health. And also let's admit we can't get anybody else to do anything. What you can do is get your head straight and recognize that bawling because your parents, especially a beloved parent, like it doesn't sound like he's even dealing with the complexities of like when my parents died. That's something you want to like, a little kaleidoscope of emotion and I would say crying, no matter what generation you're in, is a way to heal.
Speaker 2:Definitely.
Speaker 3:And, I think, sharing his experience with his father and, I have to say, zipping himself up so that he's Teflon to any crappy comments that Daddy-O makes. You know, because recognize where he's coming from. Dysfunction junction right. Like there's no emotional awareness. You know, like I'm a Gen Xer man, like it was just like you get your stuff straight and, by the way, watch the other kids and feed them. You know so like the emotional awareness that we're able to have now and to speak so clearly about that simply didn't exist. And so here's your poor dad just being like I want my son to be a great man and my definition of that is never shedding a tear and acting like everything's okay, no matter what crisis occurs. I mean booger flick Nah.
Speaker 2:Definitely, definitely. I kind of gave the same advice. I did tell him once, like you said, see, look UAT, especially UAT. Now you can definitely go out there and get the help yourself and start looking for it and those kinds of things. But I thought being honest with his dad about how he felt was cool but then also to use. You know, sometimes people think mental health and all they think is negative. So use the positive words that are important, like healing and, you know, light and things that actually touch people, because that's what mental health is. You know there's so much darkness around it, but it's like if you change the language of it, like maybe his father, if you know he understood, you want it to heal, how you want it to be better. You know things that were positive.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you felt like you both needed help for this, like maybe coming to him with that angle would help him, yeah absolutely, and also the strength of knowing when you are going through trauma which, incidentally, is not something everyone has this young person knows that they're going through it and understands that their dad, most likely, is also going through it. It's gorgeous and beautiful because you can help yourself heal as you're doing it, you can make sure you experience those emotions and you sit with them and not wallow.
Speaker 3:I know most garbage balancing act ever you know like just sit with the pain and I'm like I'm going to rip my own head off.
Speaker 2:Cool Is that cool with you.
Speaker 3:I remember the first time a therapist told me that I was like I will not flick rubber bands into your empty fricking head, cause that's ridiculous, like I, cause I was roasting alive, you know. And then when I finally got like some meds to match what was going on, I was like, oh, oh, now I know what she was trying Like. If you're in this cadence, sit with your feelings is good, because you can really recognize them and you can feel them and honor them and see how they are honoring your path of grief or of hurt or you know, whatever it is that you're dealing with.
Speaker 3:Definitely you know, and that is powerful, and also give yourself permission to to ache and to grieve. Grieving is not linear by any stretch. I would say it's like a kind of like a helix, you know like a spiral, and you can like ping, ping, ping, and you know, up and down you're like you're fine one day, you're happy, and then you see a leaf that whatever makes you start to cry because it reminds you of second grade field trip with your mom.
Speaker 2:That's pretty specific, but okay.
Speaker 3:I'm being specific, just to make a point Everyone's things are their own no no, definitely.
Speaker 2:It's funny. I actually go through. My dad passed away maybe three years. I think this year is going to be three years. Sometimes I get angry at myself because I feel like I'm not mourning him the way my brothers and stuff are, you know, and it's like, but you know, it's like I'm starting to realize that while he was alive I was always my first version of myself to him and him in return to me. So because of that, it's like I don't. I feel I don't owe him anything and he didn't owe me anything and like we were good. So because of that, I don't have like a lot of mourning and grief and those kind of things. And then I talk to my brothers and they're like taking pictures of their like favorite potato chip bag and sending it to me. I'm like I miss dad and I miss dad and I'm like, oh my god, I'm such a horrible son you're not a horrible son and also recognize they're reaching out when they need their brotherly support from you.
Speaker 3:They're not reaching out the other 899,000 moments of the day when they're a okay fine.
Speaker 2:Right, right, right Definitely. You know and they do get their support. Trust, they do get their support. But afterwards I beat myself up and I'm like you're supposed to be crying too.
Speaker 3:No, no, everybody grieves differently. I totally don't agree with that. And there's also a physicality to grieving, and some people they maybe if they don't move as much or, you know, if they're not really letting their full self feel it Like man. That's so it sticks.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'm not saying that I don't have moments Trust. I'm human, I do. You know, that was I guess You're human. I'm human.
Speaker 3:I was not told this. Oh, you know, that was, I guess I'm human.
Speaker 2:I was not told this. Oh yeah, I'm human.
Speaker 3:I thought I was on God's podcast. That's cool, cool, we can still go, I wish.
Speaker 2:Look when you, when you find out where don't how to get them powers, let me know Okay.
Speaker 3:Uh-huh yeah, the hilarious thing I see you, man. The hilarious thing, I see you, man. The hilarious thing too is that we have those powers. We just have to learn to trust them.
Speaker 2:Right, right, right, definitely I'm two years. I always tell people it's like Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm two years into my healing, right, I kind of. So I learned I had a moment of peace and that's what made me realize I need to heal. You know, I like lay down one day and I was like I didn't think about nothing, I didn't kind of didn't have no worry. I was in a really good place and I was like hold on, I need to find there's something that needs to be done. That and it was. No, it was. You know, I could think about Janet Jackson and me being on tour with her. You know, I was good because I had that moment of peace and after I had it my life went back to chaos and I started to realize like I want that peace back.
Speaker 2:You know, not that I'll have it every day, and it's something that I realized. Like I'm human, life is life, so you will go through ups and downs, which is why I do allow myself to have my moments. You know when.
Speaker 2:I have bad days. Oh, when I wake up and I know it's a bad day because sometimes you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, right, and it's funny because if Crystal was here she tells people like my eyes change color and they're red, and everybody knows I'm having a bad day and I'm like, damn, they make me sound like Satan, but I guess that's what they see in me. See me right when I have a bad day.
Speaker 3:I think also we're allowed to give ourselves grace on those bad days and we're also allowed to give ourselves the possibility of having a moment of peace every single day, you know, because it's the whole human experience, is always there.
Speaker 2:Definitely.
Speaker 3:Yeah, everything's around us all the time, and the craptastic bullshittery and the joy is good stuff too, but we can prime the pump to look for the joy is good stuff too. Right, right, right. But we can prime the pump to look for the stuff that we want, you know, to look for the belly laughs and to look for the beauty and the, you know, less crummy parts of living.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God, cause it's so crummy right now. This world is pretty horrible.
Speaker 3:But it always has been. That's always been around.
Speaker 2:Maybe, yeah, maybe, I'm just taking notice.
Speaker 3:I told people, so I'm like probably a lot like you maybe we are siblings where I kind of had a lot of trauma. My dad was kind of a man horse, so you know it could be.
Speaker 2:My mama wasn't.
Speaker 3:Oh, I didn't mean to besmirch your mom at all.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying that if she was, then I was like, oh, it probably could have been possible. Unfortunately she wasn't. I'm just joking. I think it's one of her regrets in life.
Speaker 3:That is not a regret I will ever have.
Speaker 2:But actually you know what? So I came out a lot like my mom and I don't have a lot of sexual experiences. And now I'm sitting here at 44. Right, and all of my friends are married and they have kids or they're in relationships, so like they're always busy, so I don't have nobody to hang out with and I'm like I don't want to be one of those 40 year old men to hang out with 20 year old people, right. But it's like huh, I messed myself up because trauma kept me from love, you know that damn thing.
Speaker 3:It's not a mess up. It's the path that you need to take to appreciate it. I was married twice and at 47 years old, I discovered mindset work and put myself to rights, and I don't think of those decades as wasted. And, by the way, you're 44. Holla for double numbers turning 55 today. Bam, get out of here. Happy birthday.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 3:But like the decades that it takes us to get there, to be able to understand what is possible in this glorious life, first of all, that there can be a glorious life as opposed to one shit storm after another. You know, that's yeah. I had to learn that.
Speaker 2:And I guess that's what I'm still trying to learn, because I found peace and I got it, and then I started healing and I started having more peace, and now I don't want to let nobody in, but then I'm at home, bored on a Saturday night with nobody to call no-transcript with me.
Speaker 3:I'm not continuing this ridiculousness. We can let this go. And then, once I got myself to where I'm, just like, I'm kind of awesome, I'm so spiffy, you know, and I kind of like a twinkle in my eye and some happiness with just being myself. Right right, there were so many excellent guys. I had to make a spreadsheet to keep track of them.
Speaker 2:Oh no, Isn't that nuts? I need to come live where you live, but before when I was effed up.
Speaker 3:it was like I would go on a date and they would propose marriage in the first, like 30 minutes, and I'm like I'm sorry that women are so evil to you, but I'm leaving now.
Speaker 2:That's unhinged, you know what it is Me finding lately is like because a lot of my traumas around sex don't go straight to sex with me, you know, because that's like the red flag. Now I'm not interested, no more. And as much as I like make excuses which I do have these conversations with myself like oh, but he was a nice guy and you know the 30 minutes we got to know each other, he seemed interested. You know, before he asked to bend me over, it's like right, right, you know. So that is to me. It was like I'm starting to think, like maybe I'm good by myself, I think it's wonderful.
Speaker 3:Saturday nights, when.
Speaker 2:I'm by myself, and then I want to go out, you know.
Speaker 3:That's fair and there's also a beautiful elegance to like unpeeling the onion, so to speak, to layer by layer, getting to know someone before it gets physical. And if you put that out as your intent, you will attract like-minded people Right who are wanting to build a partnership foundation, not just a hi hottie, what's up?
Speaker 2:Right, right. And then I was like but maybe I just need to indulge a little. So I don't know, I'm confused, but we can talk about you now.
Speaker 3:I feel you, I feel you, I feel you, I see you and your situation is not unique.
Speaker 2:I know, yeah, I know, I know. And it's cool that I'm here because I'm like if I looked at who I was 10 years ago, I wouldn't even be thinking about seeing anybody. You know what I'm saying. So it's like now I'm over here considering like damn do?
Speaker 3:I want to let somebody else in my life. What would that look like? What if? What if you know like what would work for you?
Speaker 2:my vision always goes back to being annoyed, though okay. So so you know what I think? I think that I want to do poly. Okay, because I will need him to have somebody else to go to and then would you, would you feel settled in that I think that I would gorgeous yeah.
Speaker 2:I think that I would Gorgeous. Yeah, I think that I would be. You know, I think that I mean, I don't know, I don't know anything about Polly, it was just kind of a recent thought of mine. I know this is not the reason you came on this podcast. She was like look.
Speaker 3:I'm fascinated by the human experience. Come on, Micah.
Speaker 2:Alright cool Because she was like hold up. But just recently I just be thinking about it and it's like the thought of sharing my bed with somebody right On a long term. So I was like, well, maybe we can have our own rooms. You know what I'm saying? A lot of people do.
Speaker 2:Right, and so it's like some people do, and then it's like but then it's like, I don't know All the time thing for me is really the issue, for me is really the issue, or me having to do what you want to do. Sometimes I sound selfish, right, but it's like I would do some things but I know there's going to be things.
Speaker 3:You sound aware, you sound self-aware, and that's gorgeous because you can create a relationship according to whatever rules you want.
Speaker 2:Right, as long as you're communicating, communicating compassionately. Yeah, right, I always do say that I tell well, you know I have friends right, or men man, I have a lot of men friends who like cheating and I'm like bro, I'm pretty sure if you just told these girls what you wanted, someone would still be cool with it. Yeah, but like, stop taking away their choice and having all that chaos in your life A hundred percent?
Speaker 3:Yeah, because then what happens is we're not offering people to actually know the real us and therefore intimacy is eradicated. Like you can't, if you can't be yourself, how can you commune? You know, commune with someone like that's not unity, that's very divisive, and it's also kind of selfish to hold yourself back when you could be sharing this. And, honestly, if they're the kind of person, who, what are they going to spit in your eye? Ba Fan Gul, see you later.
Speaker 2:What'd that mean?
Speaker 3:See you later. Does that mean see you later, ba Fan Gul does not mean seeing you later. No, it's just a nicer way to say fuck off.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm going to learn that. Yeah, so I can say that work all day long. But let's, let's talk a little bit about you and your story so you know you, like, where did it all start? Where was the change? I know you kind of gave an answer but, like, let's get the build up, the crescendo all right, all right.
Speaker 3:So when you're in your late 40s and you're looking at yourself like I see this, I feel like chaos is home and I'm creating it, no matter what. Now, the thing that's weird is that I also have had actual disasters. So, like I came up to visit my sisters in the area where I live now. I went from New Orleans and Hurricane Katrina happened. Trees speared my house, wow, it was debilitating in every way, and so, like that stunts you in a way, and like so you get taken back a decade, emotionally, let's say, or at least that's how it felt to me. Right.
Speaker 3:You know. And so then what? The first person that made me laugh at a joke, I married.
Speaker 2:That's how we do it, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, can she be taught? I mean, it's a mystery so far. No, I can be. I actually I can learn and everyone can learn, but it was just by scraping together the mindset tools. And I'm a very rational person, like I did taxes for decades and I'll tell you a funny story about that.
Speaker 3:So I'm, you know, working at a tax firm doing tax returns, helping rich people save their money on their taxes snooze, snooze, snooze. And it's just brutal. The hours are hideous, it's inhumane. And I'd written my book. People had emailed me and they were like you know, hey, can you help me with this or that? And you know, how do I pay you for this coaching? And I'm like pay me, I like money, say again.
Speaker 3:Then I had to, like, figure out how to do a website, how do I get paid, and what is Stripe, I don't know, and all the things. Well, I was having a great time at my side gig and then I got a nice bonus, more than a paycheck and then I get called into the partner's office and she says to me that they're letting me go because I'm not performing at a senior level. Wow, and I was sitting there and I'm like I should be upset. Should I be upset? Oh, wow, I don't feel upset. And so I's like and I'm not, I'm not listening to her.
Speaker 3:Like, whatever, you know, I can get another tax job falling off a log, whatever. And so then she's like well, do you have anything to say? And I was like, thank you, is that good, because that's how I feel, you know. But like, sometimes, when our choice is taken away in a different way than what the scenario you were just talking about with your buddies, you know, then we have to do the thing. Right, right, you know. And so I did like I started a terrible podcast. It's now much better.
Speaker 2:I think we all have. I feel like mine was horrible in the beginning. I'm like I listened to some of my episodes. I'm like, and that was me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was just like I'm just going to erase this from the world. That's good. We're just going to start on like episode 11. Is that?
Speaker 2:good, Right, right, right right. That's funny. So the name of the podcast I know is ZFG living.
Speaker 3:And so ZFG living LLC is my company and it stands for zero F's, given as in don't give yourself away. Use your resources towards a goal, and it can be a shared goal. You could be helping someone, that's fine, but I would turn myself inside out for just because I existed, right? You know, I'm the second in nine kids. I, you know, was raising my brothers and sisters. You know, mom died young and it was a blessing, honestly, that she did, because the damage she was putting on the kids was just so heartbreaking. Because she was not a cruel person, right, she was a loving person and just so jacked up from her own upbringing.
Speaker 3:Right, right, right you know, same as my dad. He was just like an anger box.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and having kids I can imagine. I don't have any. It's tough, that's why I don't have any. I like sleeping Like have right and they have a nine Ooh.
Speaker 3:Yeah, At what point are you like, can you read directions? But I will say there is no better chastity talk to tell your teenage daughter when she's like, how did you plan the family? Because there's four kids and then a five-year break, and then four kids, then another break and then the baby. And after my mom picked herself back up off the floor from laughing at me which I was kind of getting offended I was like what she said, that the ones that were planned were the first one and the baby, and I'm like, oh so I was one of the seven surprises.
Speaker 2:Right, Did you think about giving me away? Yeah?
Speaker 3:I'm not touching a man.
Speaker 2:Right, that's so funny. I always tell people, though, that that's why god made me gay and not a woman. All right, because I probably had kids with everybody because, you can't fight the biology right. I mean it's that's what sex drive exists for definitely, and for some reason in my mind, if I was a woman, I will be like j-lo, so I will be a whore. I don't know. No, no, but I will look like her.
Speaker 3:So I could be. Oh, you'd be a hottie botattie. Well, that makes sense. You're a handsome man thank you.
Speaker 2:Right, so I'll be a j-lo and I don't know why. I won't be a whore as a man, but I'll be a whore as a woman.
Speaker 3:See, it's messed up, thank you I feel like there's something effed up there that's um I feel like there's something effed up there.
Speaker 2:That's some. I feel like it's true. I'm like I'm not sexist, I'm pro woman Trust.
Speaker 3:You're just not pro you being a woman because you feel like you'd be a hoe.
Speaker 2:I'd be a hoe and I end up with a whole bunch of kids you know what I'm saying and then I'll be like a stereotype, you know. And then I'm trying hard not to be one of those things.
Speaker 3:No, I think the stereotype fear is something a lot of people share and, honestly, let's just not worry about what other people have to think about us. That is their business, not ours.
Speaker 2:Well, you know what that comes like. When you start willing to love yourself, you start really not giving a fuck.
Speaker 3:Not in a hostile way, but just in a like this is glorious. What a great ride.
Speaker 2:Because my mom. So she's like one of my three listeners, um, but my mom watches like all of my episodes and she was like, oh my god, you tell all your business, right, and I try to explain to her. Okay, so we have genuine conversations, yes, and sometimes we're gonna ask weird, weird questions. Especially me, I'm always going to ask a weird question which is going to require an example. Right, I can only give the truth, and the only truth I know is my own.
Speaker 3:A hundred percent.
Speaker 2:Right. So I use myself a lot in my examples, you know, because it's the truth that I know, and it's like I don't want to make up a story and I don't want to, you know, you know.
Speaker 3:So it's like, and because I don't give a fuck, it's like you know a better way to be genuine and to share with your listener, cause I'm the same way on my podcast. It's like you gotta love yourself and laugh, because we're all going to do ridiculous things. The ridiculousities are like a mile a minute and if somebody is going to have something to say about that other than that was something I don't, that's up to them. If they're being judgy because of my circus going on I mean it's a pretty well run circus, I really like my circus Then they're not for me and I'm not for them, and we can't all be everyone's cup of tea, and that's a-okay.
Speaker 2:And that's okay, but, and you know what, and it's like, but because we're not, it doesn't mean that it's a negative thing. So, and I think that's that's the part that people get lost at, you know, is like they, we feel like, oh, because we're not each other's cup of tea.
Speaker 3:then there has to be hatred. One of us is bad, yeah, right, and that's untrue.
Speaker 2:There has to be hatred and anger and frustration, but really we don't have to think about each other at all.
Speaker 3:That's what I tell my stepkids, Micah, I'm just like you. Don't have to be a bad person to be a bad match for someone, and they don't have want them to hear that they're like stuck in some relationship because they're with a nice person. Well, I would hope they're with a good person. That, you know, is what dating is for is to uncover the gems.
Speaker 2:But you don't have to just stay with someone because they're pleasant. Right, right, right.
Speaker 3:I don't want someone to stay with me because I'm pleasant. Okay, I'm not really that pleasant, but whatever. No, know me neither, but we're genuine well, we are genuine.
Speaker 2:So the big book, big book of bad ideas adulting from anxiety to zero fucks given and so yeah, basically sorry, go ahead, because you're probably going to answer my question if I just let you talk.
Speaker 3:Let's see, let's see. So what I do is I tell stories about you know, shenanigans that I got into and just ratchet decision making and why you know, because of course that's what you say, like you're telling your own story. It's really getting into it, and it was hard to write because I wanted to address some of the abuse and I didn't want to go into details and other areas, because I do have eight siblings, you know, and and I also I wanted to show that my parents were complicated people, because they also we have a lot of fun.
Speaker 2:Right, right right.
Speaker 3:You know. So I do mention that and I hope that I show people how to be able to recognize that even if someone harmed you greatly, it may not have been with malicious intent, right. And I think that's really difficult for us to understand, because when we're injured, we attack whether that's verbal, physical, you know but like we want that person gone, we want them erased. You know, like that's how the whole cancel culture thing is on. But the reality of it is is that each of us has hurt other people and we are doing that out of our best intentions, right, or because we don't know what to do in order to change the situation. So maybe we back away from a person, Right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and sometimes it is best backing away from people, like sometimes people just need to be hurt. Sorry.
Speaker 3:Welcome to Judge Jury and Executioner starring Micah Bravery.
Speaker 2:I didn't mean to say that harsh.
Speaker 3:No, I feel you, I feel it and also another way to look at that is actions have reactions and responses. I mean, I always want to be responding because, let me tell you, my first reaction very rarely anything that I would like to see the light of day. But when I consider how I really feel, not just the emotion that like kicks in for a second, then I get to be like okay, let's look at the bigger picture here. Why am I reacting like, oh, they look just like so-and and so, and so I must be borrowing from that garbage relationship and, you know, infusing it with all these flavors of torture when people be peopling right, right, right.
Speaker 2:And borrowing was a good word like I would have never, you know, like you borrowing it because they don't belong to it. Right, so you borrow it. So that was kind of cool to kind of a new word people borrow, you know, we borrow feelings, borrow negative feelings.
Speaker 3:And the other point. I'm sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 2:No, no, go ahead.
Speaker 3:The other point I want to make is that we put together our subconscious, which is our blueprint for living how to be a human being, how to be a human being of your sexuality, how to be a citizen in the world all of these things we have all these rules about. We put that stuff together before we're 10. And I don't know about y'all, I'm 55. And I don't understand every nuance of everything that crosses my and I'm smart as hell.
Speaker 3:Like right, I'm still struggling half the time, and like so, to say that you know how the world should run because of all the claptrap you put together when you're in the most megalomaniacal portion of your life, where you think everything is because of something you did which, hopefully, by the time you're adult, you know that that's absolutely untrue. Just things come together and happen. It's like shuffling cards, you know. So you get to take those things that you know to be true, the things you know to be certain because the church said so or your parents said so or your teacher said so, and actually investigate them, because guess what Spoiler alert Every emotion and thought you have. They're not all true.
Speaker 2:Right, you know what I'm going through, that guilt phase right now with religion. Right, because I was brought up Catholic.
Speaker 3:I'm a Reformed Catholic as well.
Speaker 2:But you know what they say. Once a Catholic, what they say not Catholic, still a Catholic. Isn't that the same? You never break from it. I had somebody tell me that the other day so worst Catholic experience either. Went to school, the first class, to get my communion done, asked the teacher a question. I don't even remember what the question was. It was rude, just so you know.
Speaker 2:It had to be because the anger, frustration and how she snatched my ass about that classroom left a scar on me, right. I was like, oh, I am never saying nothing in church, ever again. I was like such a little kid so the only person in my family not to do a communion confirmation because I got kicked out of church. Right, good for you, they legit kicked me out of church.
Speaker 3:You dodged a bullet.
Speaker 2:And then the whole like gay thing. I grew up as a feminine kid, right. My mom first of all, we tell people. So my mom always tells me that she knew I was gay when I was in her stomach and I'm like that's real rude. She says, because I didn't kick her, I was like eh, so that's our joke, Family joke.
Speaker 3:She's just tormenting you for fun at that point.
Speaker 2:But you know, she got a said she'd do it my whole life or whatever, which she probably did. Hey, that's my mama, yeah, but um, you know, when you grow up a pretty light-skinned puerto rican kid in the bronx in new york and you grow up in a puerto rican community who all goes to catholic church right, because it just makes sense for puerto ricans to go to roman catholic churches, but anyway, I'm sorry, if you do it. I'm not judging, I promise, I'm talking about my experience, that's your judging he is judging.
Speaker 2:I'm shut up, um, but so many people told me I was going to hell, like you're going to hell yeah oh my god.
Speaker 2:So it's like. So now I still go through like a like I don't know if I quite believe in God, and this is my issue. So I don't know if I believe in God or not, because I've been through a lot of horrible things in my life and sometimes it's like, Ooh, I just can't get you to break on that. I just I can't get you, I'm judging. I'm judging right now and, yes, I'm judging God, because I do not know how you could sit there.
Speaker 2:And so I had one of my, one of my tormentors, as I like to call them, or dementors, cause, you know, they try to suck the life out of me. Um used to use my blood to pleasure himself. So I'm talking about some pretty dark, crazy things, right, and to me it's like and you're going to sit there and allow that God? Like that's what you're going to allow. Okay, so I don't. So I still have my questions about that, whatever. But then I do see, like the beautiful things in life and flowers blooming and things like that, and it was like, oh well, they got to be something.
Speaker 3:So I'm in my question mode. You know it's cool, I think so. What I think is that there is definitely a higher power. I think that we are all bound together by this energy and some, you know, some people are, you know, using it in, in anger or in retaliation or, you know, because of the hurts that they're carrying. You know, and I recognize that I have a gift to help people transmute those things and to change their whole blueprint of living so that they can laugh, really genuinely share and enjoy life in a way that they're still protecting themselves and they're not damaging other people. Right, because you know, from 12 Step man, I'm a huge. The turn it over to God thing can be really tricky, but I just say, you know, I'm turning it over to the universe, to the energy, the energy that bounds all atoms, like we shouldn't be able to be solid because atoms are mostly space. And yet here I am.
Speaker 2:Right, I'm with you, girl. Like I said, I'm still learning. You're fine, you're fine, but however, I still got that Catholic guilt. Sometimes I be like I'm going straight to hell. I'm going to be driving the bus, I'm going to be on the bus driver picking up people going to hell because I'm so bad, they're going to make me drive myself there you know Right, yeah, they won't even give you the Uber.
Speaker 2:Right. So it's like so that is still like a big part. You know, it was like in healing. That's still like my wall. Sometimes it's like I still crash into like the religion aspect and the God and the burning bush.
Speaker 3:So now, you know it's interesting, like about the biblical stuff. I went to college for the very practical degree of ancient language, ancient Greek and Roman, just because I wasn't going to go to for accounting, because my dad wanted me to.
Speaker 2:So I ended up doing accounting though.
Speaker 3:I don't like your tone, my God, A little judgy again I still did, because I've been doing accounting since I was freaking 11. My dad would have me like filling in the little circles to mail his clip, or like continuing education stuff back in.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:So, like I just knew, how to do it and people were like you know, here's a handsome living. I'm just like I like sleeping inside.
Speaker 2:Okay, you know but I don't even know what was.
Speaker 1:I saying God, adhd is a drug. And look those sad parts.
Speaker 3:I don't remember either right 12-stepping baby, 12-stepping Adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families. If I'm ever going to give a shout out to an organization, it is that one. If you were raised with any gaslighting, any ridiculosity, any, I mean kids are lied to all the time. So come on like if you were born. Okay, you might benefit in like checking out their website, but they call it ACA adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families. Your parent doesn't have to be an alcoholic, you know, but just you were raised in a paradigm of unhealthiness.
Speaker 2:Right Santa Claus, two fairy.
Speaker 3:Or, like my parents, were 18 and 19 when they got married WTF.
Speaker 2:Right, right, right. And you know what's funny, because it was a lot of. It's not funny, but there's a lot of things that you say that I always say too right, and one of them. One of them was I had loving parents too. Like you know, I grew up and I knew I was loved, but that doesn't mean I had a whole bunch of trauma. You know, I didn't have a whole bunch of trauma. It's like people automatically assume trauma bad childhood and it was like, yeah, it was bad, but it wasn't bad because of my household didn't know what I was going through, because I thought I was protecting them. That's a whole nother story. But so I thought that was really, really cool that you kind of brought that up. And then the second thing you know, it was like how I got over being sexually assaulted so much was realizing that it had nothing to do with me. You know that it was this person and that if it wasn't me, it would have just been somebody else.
Speaker 2:But, I wasn't broken. I wasn't broken, I wasn't, and nothing was wrong with me. I wasn't broken, so it was. It was kind of cool to hear you kind of say those things, cause it was like okay, cause that's what I'd be saying, and people look at me like I'm crazy.
Speaker 3:No, it's the truth. Because predators, they're very instinctive and like they can say they're not intentionally like you know, grooming or you know whatever the current terminology is, but they, like you know grooming or you know whatever the current terminology is, but they just feel when they, if there is someone that they can take advantage of and not have that story be told man, they hone right in Definitely. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And that's you know, and we're all told like you know. I don't want to hear your trash. Okay, maybe people aren't told exactly like that, but you know our parents, parents, don't we, we were a big. What happens in the house stays in the house, family.
Speaker 2:Oh hey, facade, how are?
Speaker 3:you, I know, keep smiling at home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you put that concealer on that bruise even yesterday I was talking to my mom and uh, she had said something and uh, you know, my mom is my mom and she's just gonna be who. She is right. So I smack people at work for putting their purse on the floor, and I don't know why, but I just know if my mom sees you put that purse on the floor, she won't smack you right. So I just do it for her because it's inherited right. So I'm like don't put your purse on the floor. And like don't put your purse on the floor. And like I'm scared the hell out of people, I'll just jump out of nowhere, don't put your purse on the floor. And they're like why? And I'm like I don't know, just don't do it. My mama say don't do it, it's bad luck, they don't do it, right. But it's the other day. She want nobody to know anything. That is, you know it's not any. You need to know, that's it.
Speaker 3:No one else needs to know right, and that's hard because you're very candid. You and I both are very candid and I have a hard line that I put around, you know, within my family because it's so jacked. But one of my sisters told me something that has stuck with me. When I was writing my book and you, you know, I was like I made sure all my siblings had a copy that they could see what I was writing, that it wasn't, you know, like I wasn't being malicious or you know I was telling my story. You know very clearly and you know, and I was like I just I hope it's okay and she's just like listen, you need to tell this story because so many of us are unable to. I'm not strong enough to tell my story, but you telling your story paves the way for one day, definitely. And so you know you can tell your mom like I spilled your business because I'm paving the way for somebody else.
Speaker 3:I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, she will take that pocketbook and hurl it at your head.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, my mom already know what they look. She's always saying she was like that's all you do is tell your business, and mine I'm like I'm sorry, but you are. I mean, what taught me? I am a reflection on my mama, okay, like I have sacrificed my whole life because that's all I saw her do, and I'm so mad at her for sacrificing because I'm like you taught me how to sacrifice, that's your blueprint yeah, I'm like what, and now I can't break like.
Speaker 3:Yeah, don't tell me that, do not say C-A-N-T.
Speaker 2:Well, okay, you're right because I am breaking it and you are, 2024 is the year or no for me, right? So last year I said yes, a lot and so, and then cancer hit, and then everybody I said yes to wasn't around, right.
Speaker 3:Fascinating, isn't that how it?
Speaker 2:works. Isn't that crazy. They like disappear. It's like cancer is magic, right. So no one was just there. And then they popped up every now and then, but it was still when they needed something Oof, ugly, you know and it was like uh. So I was like you know what? 2024 is my year. Oh no, and I'm going to see how many people stick around. I love it when I say no and I've been doing really good saying no. The people who care for you.
Speaker 3:They're not going to get wrought up in like what, what can you do for me? What have you done for me lately? You know that's not how relationships work. Right, that's not how relationships work.
Speaker 2:Right. And then also was a relationship with myself. I started realizing like, hey, I'm preaching all this healing and you're preaching mental health and all these things and you are taking necessary steps, but you, you're, you're blinded when it comes to these certain people. Yep, you know you're still being taken advantage of, You're still letting people use you, You're still being manipulated. You know you're still being all of these things because of love. You know, because they were there for me. But were they really, you know, like, were they really ever there for me? You know so.
Speaker 3:I will say one of the most difficult things that I had to learn was what I wanted. Like, what did I want in life in a relationship, want in life in a relationship? And like, if, if I can say what I want, then I can move toward it, as opposed to just being, like, you know, a log being banged around going down a river, you know, carried along by the current, I can, you know, direct myself to get where I want to go. And then the other thing is that I can say no, just because I don't feel like it. Right, I don't need a reason, right, and it's okay. And it's okay. It doesn't mean I don't love the person who's asking, it just means that in that space, in that moment, I'm not up for doing that. And that was critical, because when I go down with mental health challenges, I'm down.
Speaker 2:Right, right yeah, me too. I had some pretty dark moments. Right, yeah, right, yeah. But you know I allow myself to have them. That's kind of my way of processing them, like if I have a bad day, it's gonna be a full bad day, right, like I'm gonna go ahead and spend all 12 hours.
Speaker 3:It's just gonna be bad, okay just go ahead, go to the dmv. You know, I'm just like it's gonna be terrible, right I'm just gonna, I'm gonna drop shit on purpose.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna kick the door by on purpose. You what I'm saying? I'm going to slam my door, my finger in the car door, like I'm just going to do it. But tomorrow when I wake up, I'm not allowed to have a bad day, no more. So that's like my rule, and so whatever I got to do to make it through this bad day and to get over it, do it. You got 12 hours to get it done. That's it. 12 hours that's when you're. You got 12 hours to get it done. I said 12 hours that's when you're awake. You got 12 hours to get it done. Whatever you need to do to move through this shit. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:But tomorrow, Whole new deal.
Speaker 2:A whole new deal and for me it works. For me, I process a lot. Once again, I'm miserable for 12 hours and maybe I'm not, but the people around me are.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I feel like you know that's like the ripple effect of negativity. But I will say this what you're talking about, like scheduling a session, that is a very, very powerful tool that can help when you're going through a time of distress. If you schedule hopefully not more than 15 minutes, but you know whatever time you need and you can worry and you can have your anxious thoughts and you can just go over it and then when you're done and that timer goes off, let it go. And don't don't let it, because if you ruminate and go over it again and again, that's just grooving it right into your subconscious and that tells your, your sweet lizard brain, that that's what you want, because you're spending so much energy thinking about it, and it will do its best to bring more of that to you, which sucks Definitely.
Speaker 2:Okay, so no 12 hours. 12 hours isn't good.
Speaker 3:That's up to you. I would never dream of speaking for you. I can only tell you what I recommend to my clients. She's like you're not one of my clients yet, but when you do become one, I'm gonna tell you 15 minutes, okay, yeah, the thing that's fun, though, like with coaching and having clients, is that people aren't going to come to me unless they know that they can work with me right, right right and they understand that I am fundamentally kind.
Speaker 3:I will never laugh at them or any of their feelings, and I understand even the most outlandish feelings because I've been in the dark, I've been on top of the mountain, I've been at the bottom of the ocean.
Speaker 2:Definitely, yeah, and I look, I always tell people it's one. It's like not every uh coach or professional is for every person and not every person is for every professional, but there is definitely somebody out there for you. So, yes, we should be seeking. You know, for me it was a therapist. I took advantage, covid, covid hit and they said free therapy, and I was like, oh, snap, I'm about to get this shit for free.
Speaker 2:Good for you so I found a. It took me a long time, though, to find therapists. The first. It took me probably about 12 therapists, but the first couple of ones after the first session wanted to do medication, and I was like I'm not going to say I don't need medication, but all you know is my age, my weight and my height. How do you know I need medication?
Speaker 3:A hundred percent my weight and my height.
Speaker 2:how you know, I need medication 100, like you're not asking for any mri of my brain, right? You know I'm gonna go see somebody else and finally it took me to get someone, completely someone. I didn't think she was a older, elderly asian woman, and elderly I guess I should say elderly, sorry, elderly asian woman. And know, just, to me it was unexpected.
Speaker 3:You know she had like a very thick accent. This is who you're going to click with right.
Speaker 2:Right, she had a very thick accent. You know she was originally born in China, you know, came here, had kids, but she's still, you know, china, everything you know is China to her. And so you know it was like you know, excuse me, excuse me, you know. So we kind of went through that a lot. But then two years later that was my homegirl. We were having sessions and she broke up with me, but how did she dump you?
Speaker 3:Did she tell you you didn't need her anymore?
Speaker 2:She did. Well, she basically didn't say I didn't need her, but she said that my biggest thing was talking. I didn't communicate with people. So she said she taught me to communicate. Now I needed to go communicate with the people I needed to communicate with. So that was kind of how she did it, like talk to the people you love, you know, talk to the people who you know you have these feelings towards. Or, you know, tell your parents what happened to you when you was younger, things they didn't know about you and your siblings. And no, she got me talking and I was like, oh, and that went so well. I was like I'm gonna start a podcast and I'm just going to keep talking.
Speaker 3:I love it. And look at the inspiration that you can give by letting people know. I mean, half of the DMs I get are just a thank you for being candid and clear, that you can have shitty things happen and still laugh your butt off about it like, come on right right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I get the same thing as like anytime I read anything about the podcast and there's always talk about like authentic and I'm like, am I?
Speaker 3:you are because you're not trying. Yeah, you're not trying to be polished, or you know?
Speaker 2:well, you know, I always felt like the only way this was gonna work it's the only way to get the honesty out of my guests is to be honest myself too, 100%. You know we have had some guests come up here and try to be like really, really polished and I'm like this doesn't work. You know, like people need to see that we're all human, you know, and they need to be able to look at this episode and see that Mel is human. And I'm sorry, I didn't even ask. You said Mel was okay, but I kind of assumed that Mel was okay.
Speaker 3:It is okay, it is absolutely okay 100%.
Speaker 2:I was like I should have asked in the beginning because I'm big on consent. I think I said when I introduced myself.
Speaker 3:You can call me Mel, that's what I thought, Right right, right, right, okay, okay, okay. It's also, I mean, melissa's a long name.
Speaker 2:So, especially if you're typing like Melissa's not that long, but I know, I know this girl. Her name is Rashida Quadisha and that's her first name.
Speaker 3:Oh, wow, okay, so she wins that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I would call her.
Speaker 3:RQ. I think I would just call her RQ.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to think what do people call it? It's funny. It's like everybody calls it something different. I just call it Rashida. But it's like everybody calls it something different. I just call it Rashida. But I'm like you got every freaking letter in the alphabet. It has to be. That's awesome.
Speaker 3:Does she have a Z?
Speaker 2:The first name. I don't think there's a Z in there. I think that's the only one that's not.
Speaker 3:She should change her name, so there's a Z.
Speaker 2:So there's a Z in there, 100%, but I'm like longest name ever.
Speaker 3:I'm Alyssa Ann. My mother was from Mississippi. Oh, I'll tell you a funny story about kindergarten for me, and also like being neurodivergent in Gen X is like thank God I found out that I am on the spectrum because it explained everything immediately and so many things melted away, Like if you think that a diagnosis isn't going to help, just be curious and see it might. Like I got diagnosed as an adult with ADHD and that changed my self-compassion Definitely so much because I was like I'm just not wired to sit still and that's okay.
Speaker 2:And see me I was. I either could do 50 million things at one time or nothing at all.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:I didn't know how to do anything. I don't know if that's common amongst everybody, but it was like the envy. I didn't know how to do anything. I don't know if that's common amongst everybody, but it was like the envy. I can't just do two tasks. It had to be a hundred or none.
Speaker 3:I get you, I'm a, I'm a timer setter. I like to set a timer and just focus on whatever for that. And then you know, take a walk and then do something else. Oh so I'm in kindergarten, all right, little Catholic school called Holy Name of Jesus, and all of that dysfunction. And the sweetest kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to us that we have a second name. And I'm like no, I'm Melissa. No, we have a second name. People might say your name and then another name and your family would know this name. And I was like so this is me in kindergarten saying Melissa, god damn it. She's like you know, clutching her pearls, because that's how my parents. They would be like Melissa, god damn it, get off the house. Melissa, god damn it, stop climbing the tree, because I will climb to get away from things, because everything was too noisy right right yeah that's pretty funny.
Speaker 3:I didn't understand what it meant, I just thought right, he was like, but that's the name.
Speaker 2:I didn't understand what it meant. I just thought, right, he was like, but that's the name they call me at home. So I'm, I'm going with it, I've got it.
Speaker 3:How do I spell it? I want to learn Like she's just like oh my God, get this kid out of my class.
Speaker 2:Like you need to go to the principal you don't know why out of Catholic school. It's like I always wish I could remember the question I asked.
Speaker 3:It was the audacity of individual thought. I can guarantee you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely, and I remember her name was Mrs Vega and you should be ashamed of yourself. I don't remember her first name, but her husband was Mr Vega. But that would make sense, right?
Speaker 3:100%. They were Mr and Mrs. Those are their first names.
Speaker 2:Right, y'all should be ashamed of yourself. I hope that y'all changed and growed up and healed. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Or met me like that. But okay, now seriously, Mel, let's get serious right? Yes, Mel, Because we're coming to our end here, All right. So our audience is most often people who are curious about healing. You know, they don't think they're sick enough you healing. They don't think they're sick enough, they don't have enough mental health problems, but they're uncomfortable with life. Things keep them up at night, so they sit here and they secretly watch us. Yeah, I'm calling y'all out. These are the emails I get. People tell me like I secretly watch you, I'm secretly your biggest fan and I'm like tell people hello.
Speaker 3:Let's normalize it yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, right, but okay, okay, seriously, going back to my question, you know, or they're thinking, one of the biggest things that I like can't stand it makes me cringe is somebody out there has it worse, you know.
Speaker 3:so does that make your situation any different?
Speaker 2:right. What is your advice to those people on healing and seeking help and contacting you? Even you know.
Speaker 3:Okay, my advice is to see it from my angle. I want to help as many people as possible. I want to measurably increase joy in the world. That is my corporate business statement. Okay, and so if you can feel better, it doesn't matter if you don't have somebody beating you up and giving you a concussion every third day.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Or cutting off your foot or, you know, saying spiteful, hateful, nasty things to you. If you feel bad about something, come on. That's what introductory phone calls are for, right, there are very few coaches that will not give you a phone call just to see what it would be like, because I want to find out like are you ready? Do you really want to change all?
Speaker 3:right you know and you want to find out. Well, what is? What does mel have to offer? You know, I mean, like am I just going to have to like burn incense and do meditation? Like you don't have to burn the incense, but I will ask you to do some meditations, you know, and I'll make them.
Speaker 2:My brain don't shut up enough to meditate.
Speaker 3:That's fine. You just look at the thoughts and lovingly push them away.
Speaker 2:I'd be trying, but then I'd be look, imagining what, how I'm going to decorate my meditation room, because I'm learning how to meditate.
Speaker 3:So now I got to have a meditation and then you get to push that thought away over and over and over and soon you'll see it coming or feel it coming, cause, like in my body I can feel it's like, oh yeah, about to get a flurry. You know what I mean. Like here they come, and you know. And then I can just breathe and listen to my breath. Another trick is like listen to something inside you, like your breathing or your pulse, and then try to hear something outside the building, like close in, far away, and telescope it in and out with your vision, with what you hear, with your tastes. You know how does the, what temperature is the air when you breathe it in and how does that feel in your body. And then that can help reinforce the whole idea of letting your mind rest, because when our minds are going too fast, all the time it's freaking, exhausting.
Speaker 2:Who are you telling my mind won't stop for a second? I'm like damn, would you stop thinking about thinking?
Speaker 3:It wants, it's what you do, and so it thinks you want to do it more.
Speaker 2:I got to the point now that I realized my trick for, like, going to sleep, because I really don't. To be honest, I'm really really blessed. Right here I go. I don't believe in God, but I'm blessed Once again. I just told y'all I'm very what's that word? Hypocritical.
Speaker 3:No, you're conflicted in your beliefs, that's all.
Speaker 2:Right, right, right. But I do know that I'm blessed, I know that I, you know, I don't, I don't, I don't go to sleep worried about a lot of things other people worry about, you know. However, I do worry about everybody else worrying about the things they got to worry about, right? So my trick was like music I put on random, but it has to be random, it's so funny, it can't be just like. It could be hip-hop, r&b, pop, like it's not jazz, it's not. You know, it could be Nicki Minaj, it could come on, I could fall asleep.
Speaker 3:Nicki Minaj, you know you need a bop like you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like the most random thing for me, but people always like this is the music you go to sleep to and like I could be out, and it's like in the middle of a Jay-z verse, you know, and it's like's like and then so, but it was. I guess it's the. I learned how to take my mind off of everything else while listening to that music, but I haven't learned how to be able to do it without the music.
Speaker 3:Okay, you don't know how to do everything now.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 3:What Like no one does.
Speaker 2:Earlier than I was human. Remember.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but that's the thing, like we're so hard on ourselves. Right, right right.
Speaker 3:You know. So treat yourself as a friend. And also very important, marcus Aurelius, the OG Stoic philosopher. He just wrote the book His Reflections, and he calls himself you. So talk to yourself. You know, say Micah, you know you can relax when you're, you know, listening to the music. Let's try to relax when we're doing this. It's going to be unfamiliar and it's okay. And it flips in our brain. It immediately and magically just makes us understand that the feelings and the thoughts and all the things that we have that we assume are just like absolutely true. Right, maybe they are, maybe they're not.
Speaker 3:Right so maybe you can meditate. I know Because meditation, all it is. It's just continually, it's just all. Mindset work is doing things over and over and over again with kindness and grace in your heart, and I will tell you that is some tedious shit to learn, but once you do you're going to be in a much better spot.
Speaker 2:Who are you? Tedious shit to learn but yeah, once you do you're gonna be in a much better spot. Who you telling? But I do want to make known that I do have compassion on myself, so I ask a lot of these questions, but I do have compassion. One thing I don't do I don't beat myself up for a lot, um, because to me it's like um, tomorrow, if I'm here tomorrow which I'm, I don't know I've I'm one of those people. That's one of those things I don't think about. I just know I'm going to be here tomorrow, like if I was on a plane and it crashed, I will survive, like I don't know why. I just think that about my life, right, not that a plane should crash, other people should die. I'm not saying that people. Ok, stop twisting my words.
Speaker 3:Yes, he's very capable of twisting them himself.
Speaker 2:Twisting them myself. I could do this by myself. Let me take my foot out of my mouth, but I do have compassion on myself. I really I don't beat myself up too much. I've learned that. You know, it's like I'm healing and I'm not going to always get it right. Yeah, but continue to try.
Speaker 3:And then it's cool because I have guests like you that comes on and drop jewels and like I try to incorporate a little bit of everything because I'm like, oh, that sounds so dope, so I'm going to try it, and then I do, and then I basically get feed therapy A hundred percent and I'm glad for it. Like, dm me anytime.
Speaker 2:You know, you've got my phone number Text me, don't invite me now.
Speaker 3:You don't want me to do it?
Speaker 2:Seriously. It's not often. Remember, mel came up here and she said I could call her, and then she blocked my number.
Speaker 3:No, when I go to sleep I turn the phone off, so call whenever.
Speaker 2:I know that's right, that's what I need to start doing, but I have truckers and so I have to keep my phone on all night, do you? Well, I'm always scared. Well, listen, listen, accidents that's the thing I be thinking about. Like, what if a trucker got in an accident and my phone was off? What if you know? Yeah, but I'm going to point it out the accident would have still happened oh no, I know that it's just the support after the accident.
Speaker 2:I know I can't stop the accident, but I want to be their support after the accident, you know, or whatever it is that they need, and they're my children.
Speaker 3:Okay, okay.
Speaker 2:You do it how it makes you happy.
Speaker 3:That's what's important.
Speaker 2:Right, I do need to like start starting it off and stuff, but you know, I just get so scared that I'm going to like not be there for one of them and they don't feel abandoned by me.
Speaker 3:Interesting.
Speaker 2:Right Cause it's really me right.
Speaker 3:That feels the abandonment right.
Speaker 2:Anyway, it's like you know what you're talking about, my god I've been doing this a little while, girl, I'm sorry that we ran over. Is there anything that you would like to say to our audience that I didn't give you a chance to say because I talked so much?
Speaker 3:You are a beautiful miracle made of lightning, minerals and water, and don't let anything seem so daunting that you can't have it.
Speaker 2:Awesome. See, I took that like she was personally telling me that, but she was saying it to everybody.
Speaker 3:And to you too. I mean, like it's just, it's true.
Speaker 2:I took it for me, but I was just saying, we can all share that.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. That's what I want everyone to know Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Right, and of course, we're going to list all of your contact information in the episode and we're going to reach out again because you definitely got to meet Crystal. Crystal's going to love you. I'm going to call her right after this and be like, oh snap, you missed a great episode.
Speaker 3:That was like my twin for real. I love it. I love it. Looking forward to meeting you, Crystal.
Speaker 2:Yes, and thank you so much for coming on. Thank you, guys for watching and we will see you next week. Peace, love and blessings, thank you.