These Fukken Feelings Podcast©
Are you tired of feeling alone in your emotional struggles? Tune in to These Fukken Feelings Podcast! Hosted by mental health advocates, our weekly show explores life's ups and downs, from relationships and anxiety to loss and happiness. With honest conversations, you'll get practical tips for managing emotions and living your best life. Join us every week for inspiration, motivation, and a bit of humor. Subscribe now and start feeling better today! Note: Our podcast is not a substitute for professional advice. If you're in crisis, please contact emergency services immediately.
These Fukken Feelings Podcast©
Stop Emptying Your Cup: The Year of Saying No W/ Paisley |Season 3 Episode 332
What happens when life forces you to choose between personal dreams and immediate responsibilities? Join us as we recount my own journey inspired by my mom's perspective on making choices, not sacrifices. Our guest, Paisley, helps us navigate this intricate landscape by reminding us that a dream deferred is not a dream denied. The conversation is enlightening and personal, emphasizing the crucial balance between setting boundaries and making self-care a priority as I commit to replenishing my own cup in 2024.
The weight of childhood trauma can cast long shadows, but healing is within reach. In this episode, we delve into the complexities of overcoming past abuse, highlighting the pivotal role of open communication between parents and children. Through personal anecdotes, we explore the significance of self-forgiveness and the transformative power of releasing parts of oneself to fully heal. The discussions are honest and relatable, shedding light on the resilience required to move from victim to survivor.
Communication is a cornerstone of healing, and our stories bring this to life. We talk candidly about the journey of personal healing using the metaphor of a puzzle, where every piece, no matter how small, is essential. The impact of therapy, the need for empathy in understanding others, and the importance of recognizing one's own trauma are all key points. Our heartfelt narratives aim to empower you to pursue self-discovery, self-compassion, and stronger connections. Join us as we explore these profound themes, offering insights and affirmations designed to help you tap into your intrinsic excellence.
#DreamsDeferred #ChoicesNotSacrifices #ChildhoodTraumaHealing #EmpoweringSelfDiscovery #MentalHealthJourney #SelfCare2024 #PersonalGrowth #Resilience #TherapyImpact #SelfForgiveness #CommunicationHealing #Empathy #ParentChildBond #SurvivorStories #PuzzleOfHealing #IntrinsicExcellence #TheseFukkenFeelingsPodcast
https://doponpurpose.com/
you don't have to be positive all the time. It's perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared and anxious. Having feelings doesn't make you a negative person. It doesn't even make you weak. It makes you human and we are here to talk through it all. We welcome you to these fucking feelings podcast, a safe space for all who needs it. Grab a drink and take a seat. The session begins now what is up guys?
Speaker 2:welcome to these fucking feelings podcast. I am micah. We got producer crystal in the building hello. And we're here with our special guest Paisley. How are you today, hey?
Speaker 1:hey, hey.
Speaker 2:So look, before we get started, right, we start off with something random. Right, it's our thing, it's going to be our thing, random, right. But yesterday Crystal and I were having a conversation.
Speaker 2:I'm here for the random, right, we were having a conversation about sacrifice. So for a long time I was saying that the worst thing I ever saw my mom do was sacrifice, because all she did was teach me how to sacrifice. You know and and it was. You know it's like I sacrifice so much but it's because it's inherited.
Speaker 2:I saw it from my mom this weekend we had a conversation and comes to find out my mom never looked at it as sacrifice. There were choices that she made To her. She didn't see it as she was sacrificing anything because these were choices. She chose to give up parts of her life or give up parts of her dreams to raise her family, raise her kids and those kind of things. Now I still see it as a sacrifice, but it did teach me that what we see in other people isn't always true to them, if that makes sense. So it was like I see it as a sacrifice and she saw it as a choice. Now I still see it as a sacrifice, but I respect the fact that she doesn't see it that way. She doesn't have any kind of like, regret, regret, right, yeah, she's like.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I respect that too, because it's a matter of perspective, Right, Right. So, like from you as a kid, you're looking at it like hey, she's sacrificing and for her she's like I got this choice or this choice and I'm choosing this one Right Right. Right.
Speaker 2:So it's not a sacrifice, it's what it's not a sacrifice, is what I decided to do, is what I decided to do. You know, it's just that sometimes I feel like I didn't get to see her chase her dreams and it would have been really, really cool to see my mom chase her dreams, and I think it would have taught me to chase my dreams if I would have saw her chase hers, you know. But, like I said, I'm learning that what looks one way doesn't necessarily mean that's what it is. So it was kind of a big lesson to me, but I just wanted to get your take on it and I know you said a little bit already, but so it's interesting that you said that, and how random.
Speaker 3:But I've always told people that a dream deferred is not a dream denied, right? So life be lifin right. And we're out here in these streets trying to figure out how to live it Right, and sometimes, because life happens and because situations come up, we have to defer our dreams. We don't necessarily have to feel like they've been denied, right it's? You know, I'm a mom of adult children and so for me, there were things that I was like this is more important, like I need to make sure that these kids are good. Ok, so I don't know what you heard me say, but I was saying I feel like you know, I'm a mom of adult children and sometimes there were decisions that I had to make when they were younger, and I can always pick up some things later on.
Speaker 3:So a dream deferred is not a dream denied. It just means that it's not right now. Right, because I have different priorities in this moment. My priority is to make sure that these kids are living well and that they have what they need, and I think a lot of parents who are doing their best to be what they consider to be good parents, because that also matters, right, what you consider to be a good parent based on what you know and what you've lived and experienced. So, yeah, sometimes we we defer our dreams because we need to make sure that these little people are right right, right, and that's what I say.
Speaker 2:It's easy for me to say it because I don't have no kids, I don't want any, I'm good, um, but but I'm speaking as I'm speaking as a child. You know like sometimes I think about this, what I see as sacrifices, and it's like, hmm, you know, I sacrifice a lot. Now, I do too much for people, sometimes too much, and I and I'm. So. 2024 is my year, no, right? So this is the year I'm starting to say no, because I started to realize that, hey, I'm sacrificing a little too much and I'm not obligated to do none of this stuff, right, but I'm giving all of me and I'm emptying my cup and there's nobody here to fill it up for me, you know.
Speaker 3:And you can't pour from that cup.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:You have to replenish, you have to take time to sit back, step back and be like listen, I need to be refilled, I need to be refueled. I can't give you everything, because now I have nothing to even give to myself. Right? Sometimes you need a little tea for yourself to sip on, and if you poured it all in everybody else's cup, there's nothing left for you Right, and that's actually what I'm learning.
Speaker 2:So that's why I deem 2024 the year of no, don't ask me for nothing.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean, he's only said no, probably like a handful of times.
Speaker 2:Hey, but.
Speaker 3:And no is a full sentence. Definitely it's a full sentence, can you no?
Speaker 2:Right quickly.
Speaker 3:No explanation is required. No further conversation is happening Right Look.
Speaker 2:I don't even answer the phone call, I just decline and respond no.
Speaker 1:Hello, let's go.
Speaker 2:Oh Well, paisley, one thing that we like to do here is we like to get our guests to introduce themselves, because we feel like no one can tell more about you than you, so go ahead and tell the audience a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 3:Okay, well, I'm Paisley. I'm the Mindset Makeover, maven and the Dope Life Movement creator. I'm an author, speaker, mother. I'm Paisley. I'm the mindset makeover, maven and the dope life movement creator. I'm an author, speaker, mother, realtor. I'm a lot of things.
Speaker 2:Renaissance woman.
Speaker 3:OK, you know, as someone said to me recently, said I love your renaissance. I was in corporate leadership for 20 plus years and now I do my own thing. I am the the creator and the host of the Spin and Soul Speak podcast, but everything comes back to my purpose, which is to inspire.
Speaker 2:So why inspire? Why did you know that's what you wanted to do?
Speaker 3:I didn't for a long time. So I recently learned, probably maybe about three or four years, four years or so ago, I learned about your ikigai, which is your purpose. Right, and your ikigai is like your. It's an intersection between all of these things, and right in the center is what they call your ikigai, or your purpose, like your reason for getting up and put your feet on the floor in the morning. And when I started doing that exercise, I was like, like my purpose is to inspire I in anything that I've done whether it be my book is a book of affirmations it's to inspire people to be their dopest self. Right.
Speaker 3:When I was in corporate leadership, I really took great pride in being able to inspire people to do their best in their position or finding them other positions that where they could be their best self, right. I think that I didn't know that was my purpose for a long time until I did that. I knew that you know I was a leader and I was all of these things. But what was my purpose? Like what can I do that I can give to people what the world needs and and something that I can actually earn from as well? So that's I did a lot of work to realize later in life that my purpose is to inspire.
Speaker 2:Right, I say the same thing. Going back to my mama, right, I feel like if there were lessons, like if there were, if I there were lessons that she would have taught me and okay, I had a great mom and and I love my mom and I talk about her all the time and she's always yelling at me like stop talking about me on your podcast. So yeah, so she watches too. That's the bad part, right, but, um, but, but, you know, I feel like you know, I've 44 years. I'm finally getting together at 44 years, right, and it's like wow, it shouldn't have took me this long, you know, but it was so Don't do that Don't do that.
Speaker 2:I just feel like it was so much lessons so much that I inherited it, and so much pain that I took on that I shouldn't have took on, and I feel like these were lessons that my parents should have taught me. Right Now once again, I'm not saying that they're bad parents or anything like that you know, it's like you know a lot of the trauma I went through. My family didn't know I was going through, you know. So it's like how can I ask them to save me if I never told them I need saving? So I get my part that I played in it, you know, but I'll also. You know, it's like to me. It's like I feel like I'm not a parent. But I hope that parents start having these conversations with their children when they're a little younger.
Speaker 3:You know about yeah about just I think that people, in what I'm hearing you say right is is people your parents did the best they could with what they had and what they knew in that moment, right. So you're not saying they're bad parents. You're saying, hey, as I've lived this life, there's some things that I would have done differently or that I wished would have been different, but it's not saying that they didn't do their best.
Speaker 3:They did the best they could with what they had and what they knew Right. So a lot of the times we, you know we want to Our our childhood, our traumas, the things that we've experienced, the things that we've been through, we're, a lot of the times like looking for, like, oh my gosh, I went through this. I went through this and, yes, we did and it happened to us. However, our, our trauma is not our fault, but our healing is our responsibility Definitely. But our healing is our responsibility Definitely. So we have a responsibility to. Sometimes we have to.
Speaker 3:We got to dig deep, right, we got to dig deep and figure out, like, why are these things, why do these certain things bother me?
Speaker 3:Because sometimes we don't the trauma that we have, sometimes we don't even know that we have it right.
Speaker 3:And then we have these trauma bonds, that we're bonded to the trauma and we don't even know why or that it is trauma. And when we dig deeper and we start uncovering things, then we can start to do the work to to heal ourselves from the trauma. That's not our fault and part of of that starts with forgiveness and like one of the things that you said was I couldn't be saved because I didn't tell anybody I needed saving and that's heavy Because you're holding that right I didn't tell them that I needed to be saved. If I had told them that I needed to be saved, if I had told them that I needed to be saved, then maybe somebody could have done something differently. Sometimes we have to start with our forgiveness, and our forgiveness has to start with ourselves. Definitely, like listen, you didn't know how to say what you needed to say in that moment, so you did the best you could with what you had and what you knew in that moment.
Speaker 2:And I actually. So I went through like a lot of like molestation growing up from people, non-family members. You know, I grew up in New York City. We lived in a building. My mom was a super, so I was easily accessible. People had more easy access to me, you know. And then they use my family as the threat. Well, if you don't do what I say, I'm going to hurt your family. You know, if you don't do what?
Speaker 2:I say I'm going to kill your mother, you know. So to me, you know, let me out. Right, that's what I'll be saying now. Well, that's how it's. You and Crystal already have a lot in common, because it's like everything you said is like the stuff she'd be saying and I'm like, okay I see y'all but, um
Speaker 2:yes, so my issue was like not knowing, like I didn't want to put my family at risk, you know, but then I was going through some horrible things. So, um, I call my my. I call my um abusers. My dementors, like harry potter, because they try to suck the soul out of me. My dementors I had one that used to actually cut me with razor blades and then use my blood to pleasure himself. I'm like six or seven years old and these are the lessons I'm learning Sorry, I didn't mean to get that deep on you and trust I'm healing from a lot of it now.
Speaker 2:And it took me a long time to realize that those things that happened to me weren't about me Like. These were people that need help. They needed help, yes, they needed assistance. They needed to be saved themselves and, unfortunately, if it wasn't me, it would have been another little boy, right, you know. They still would have found a place to do it. So it took me a long time. I was humpty, dumpty, I done fell off the wall and that come put me back together again and now my arm is where my leg used to be, but I'm cool now, you know.
Speaker 3:Is that why you walk like that? That you know?
Speaker 2:that's why I walk like that. But it's cool, because this time I got to put myself back together.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You know, and it wasn't how everybody else said I should be. You know, it was kind of like OK, this is what I like about me, these are things I'm going to keep. These are the things I don't like about me. These are the things I need to try to get rid of or understand them better yeah and release.
Speaker 3:You know, sometimes we just have to release, like, hey, this is a part of me, like I can't, there are certain things about you that you can't change right and your experiences and and what's happened to you and for you in life. We can't change those but how we choose to deal with them. For you in life, we can't change those, but how we choose to deal with them. Like I, can't change that, my hair is unruly and I have to brush it down and wet it every day.
Speaker 1:That's the sound I make on my hair.
Speaker 2:I tell Crystal look, I'm so bad, right? Because, like I say, traumatizing stuff. So I have dark humor. Of course maybe you can see I laugh about everything. But, crystal, we actually work together in our day job and every day is like you come to work, like your mama don't love you, like can you comb your hair to tell my youngest son.
Speaker 3:He was the most hot-blooded kid I ever knew. He would leave the house in the winter with no coat on. I would always be running after him. Like put a coat on, people are going to think you don't have parents Right, right or that your parents don't care. They don't love you. They let you come outside like this, 10 degrees outside. I feel that like you come walking around here, like your parents don't love you Like.
Speaker 2:do something with your hair.
Speaker 3:You know, come on, and then I come back with my mom don't love me, so we need some inspiration. We need some inspiration.
Speaker 2:That's why you're here. So now let's talk about you a little bit. Right, I've been talking about me enough, but was there healing for you? Was there healing before you kind of decided to go into what you're doing now? Were there things that you kind of need to heal?
Speaker 3:Yes, absolutely there's been. I call myself an overcomer versus a survivor, and the reason I say overcomer is because I feel like when you're a survivor, you're left alive and I want to live, so I call myself an overcomer. I've overcome a speech impediment, I've overcome domestic violence, sexual harassment in the workplace, like. There's a lot of things that I've encountered and had to overcome, and I think your healing is a journey and so we make choices, right. We decide how we're going to do that, and some people are bonded to their trauma, and when you bond with your trauma in a way, that just attracts it more to you, so you just it just seems like life is like because everything is, but that's what we're attracting, because that's what we're bonding to, versus learning how to release these things. How do we get over these things? How do we then go on and live the life that we want to live, that we desire, that we actually?
Speaker 2:deserve. That's what you're saying that we're worthy of right.
Speaker 3:Listen, we're so bonded to our trauma that we don't think that we deserve anything Like. Well, this happened to me, me so I must have deserved the bad stuff. No, we deserve the good life too. We deserve the things that we desire. And, and listen, we gotta. And so we have to learn how to release it, and I think for a long time, and even I'm in my 50s, right. So at the end of the day.
Speaker 2:You can't lie to me on my own podcast, okay.
Speaker 3:Listen, thank you, I'm going to learn how to take a compliment.
Speaker 2:Yes, you have to learn, because though you look fabulous, you're going to get snaps for that too. I wouldn't guess 50, so that's dope.
Speaker 3:Oh, thank you. Thank you, yeah, I got grown, grown kids I see.
Speaker 2:You see, like I mean. When I say grown, I mean grown.
Speaker 3:I mean grown, grown like they got mortgages, they grown so. So, yeah, I mean I think you know you, you you have to learn how to release some things and you have to decide to detach from things and sometimes it's going to be the things that you feel like you're closest to right. There's been, I've had to. I think. I tell people there will be a natural falling away as you grow right, the things that used to serve you, that don't serve you anymore. You don't have to push it away, you don't have to push those individuals out. They will naturally fall away because you don't resonate, what you're doing doesn't resonate with them anymore.
Speaker 3:So, and that's a part of our healing journey and I think over time we, if we keep doing the work, there's always going to be some things coming up. Like in my 40s I was like, oh, this is why I think this way about this thing. And you're like, ok, well, now that I know better, I can do better. So I'm going to change up some things, I'm going to do some things a little bit differently.
Speaker 2:It's never too late to start Right and that's not like we always have a saying here bit differently. It's never too late to start right and we and that's kind of like we we always have a saying here like is founded on our show, like today we're going to be better than what we were yesterday, you know and not every day is perfect and you're gonna have bad days.
Speaker 2:Like you said, life be life and you know I was in there and what I you know and probably the most happiest time of my life, living the best life I've ever had when I went to the doctor and they're like, hey, your cancer is back. And I'm like, okay, so I fought this bitch for 15 years and then you're going to bring your ass back. All right, but to me it was a lesson. Just that there's no, not that there's no such thing as a perfect life, but that you can kind of like you said there's no, not that there's no such thing as a perfect life, but that you can kind of like you said, you know, it's like I still deserve what I deserve and I'm still going to go through shit, but it's kind of like keeping my eye on the prize, like shit happens Right and knowing that.
Speaker 3:Shit really does happen All the time.
Speaker 2:Shit really does happen.
Speaker 3:And I think that the other thing like when what you were talking thing, like when you what you were talking about, like it came back and you were just like okay, sometimes we get to sit with our feelings for a minute about whatever that situation is and when you realize that you've grown right Because I'm sure that that's not how you took it when you the first time- you found out right.
Speaker 3:So now, the second time you've got, you've got a little different perspective on it and you're like, all right, so what are we going to do now? What's next?
Speaker 2:I kind of went through a mourning period the second time, because so it's probably not true, but sometimes I feel like I called cancer back. You know like it was. It was. It was that relationship that I just wouldn't let go of. You know like I saved. Every day I save. Every time I get paid, anytime I get money, I save, but I save because I don't know if cancer is going to come back. And if cancer comes back, I need to make sure that I'm going to get money. I save, but I save because I don't know if cancer is going to come back. And if cancer comes back I need to make sure that I'm good.
Speaker 2:Everything I did was always if cancer came back, if cancer comes back, if cancer comes back. So sometimes I feel like I kind of willed it on myself, I spoke it kind of into existence. Now, of course, there's a lesson out of it, and to me, my lesson was that and it wasn't so much maybe that I called it back, but just that I stopped taking care of me and started taking care of everybody else, and I stopped noticing the times where I wasn't feeling good, or I pushed through the times that I should have been in bed sleep because someone else needed something, or I compromised rest to do something with somebody or help somebody. But I realized that it was a lot of. I was a yes man, I was yes in everything and I was compromising everything, you know. So I'm like, okay, cancer brought his ass back to teach me like bitch you don't gotta be alive Like you, not living for you.
Speaker 2:You know, now you got this cancer and all these people that you helped. Where did they go?
Speaker 1:That part.
Speaker 3:I went through times where I didn't hear from like nobody. Besides me. I talked to them every time. No, no, and I do have, and I'm not going to say nobody, I have my close friends.
Speaker 2:but then, you know, I started to realize that there were people.
Speaker 3:But some of the people that you weren't, that you were saying yes to, weren't even checking right, like I started realizing, like you, know, healing for me has been a unique journey.
Speaker 2:I kind of did it on my own, which I don't recommend, you know.
Speaker 2:I say there are people out there to help us, let's go get help, you know because like I said I was humpty, dumpty, I knocked myself off the damn shelf, I broke up in all those little pieces and then I had a hard time finding some of them, you know. So I needed help. I needed somebody else's eyes and I didn't get that at first and I started healing. But it started healing the wrong. I started healing kind of the wrong way. Now, is that possible?
Speaker 3:Yes, you know to need to heal properly.
Speaker 2:And then it was like I was focused too much on you know, like I was focused so much on my assault, you know, like you know, people take advantage of me, people took away my choices, you know these kind of things. But I was missing a whole bunch of other traumas. And then I was missing the fact that because those things happened to me, I was actually bad. I was a bad person to other people. You know, I broke hearts, I hurt feelings, I I turned away good friendships and I messed up a whole lot of opportunities because I started to heal and in healing I had to protect myself. It was protecting myself from everybody, but I had to realize that not everybody, kind of, was the same. You know, it was like you needed to.
Speaker 3:I need to learn how to give people a chance. I need to learn. I'll submit to you. You healed the way that you needed to heal in that particular time, because what we don't always realize is sometimes you have to preserve yourself. The way that you preserved yourself in that moment was to be what you're considering now a bad person. I cut people off, I cut friendships off. Sometimes. That's what you needed in that moment because you couldn't process all the other things.
Speaker 2:But I lacked communication, which was probably my big issue, like what I was missing in healing was the communication aspect.
Speaker 3:You were missing talking about it.
Speaker 2:I wasn't talking about it. You know I would.
Speaker 3:But if you hadn't done that piece, you may not have known that's what you needed. Sometimes you know how you were talking about. If you think about like a puzzle. I'm humpty, dumpty, I fell off the shelf, I'm broken in all these different pieces and now I'm trying to put it back together. And sometimes I'm trying to fit some pieces in places that they don't belong, and then there's a piece that I don't even know where the hell it is like what the fuck happened to that part.
Speaker 3:I don't know, you know, where's where, where's my?
Speaker 3:heart I can't find them right now and and right now, because I can't find my heart and I can't find them right now and right now, because I can't find my heart and I can't find my fucking feelings. Well, now, what I need to do is preserve the pieces that I can preserve. So I'm going to put these pieces in here and when I find these other pieces I can insert them where they go. But right now I don't know where they are and I don't have the energy to look for them. So you got to do what you got to do to put your hand where the leg used to be and the leg where the hand used to be, so that you can at least be mobile.
Speaker 3:Right, and now you're walking around. At least you ain't got no fucking feelings, and you don't have a heart.
Speaker 3:However, I'm walking around, I can get to where I'm going, and then you're like, wait a minute, I'm supposed to have a heart in here, so I'm going to search a little bit more and find that piece and put it in there, and then I'm going to search. Oh well, now let me blow the dust off my fucking feelings and put them in here, and now I can start to okay. Well, I'm still limping a little bit.
Speaker 1:So I think this leg might be in the wrong spot.
Speaker 3:I'm still limping a little bit, so I think this leg might be in the wrong spot Right. So I'm going to see if I put this, switch these two pieces out, if that makes it better. And that's the journey of healing, right? We can't. Everybody has to do it differently. Everybody's journey is different and the way that you did it isn't wrong, right, it's what worked for you in that particular moment, in that space, in that time, definitely, and one thing I will admit, though, is that I actually I didn't.
Speaker 2:I knew I needed to heal. I got to the point where I knew I needed to heal, but then that was it. You know, it was like I wasn't looking for things and I wasn't searching out things, and I wasn't. You know, I had younger bad experiences with therapists. You know they wanted to give me medicine right away, and I'm like you don't even know me, bro, you always trying to put me on medicine.
Speaker 3:All you got is my age, my name and that I'm a straight C student, right.
Speaker 2:I'm a straight C student, that's all you know. You over here give me 13 different drugs, like what the hell is going on. So it turned me off about therapists, cause I'm like if you're not going to take the time to get to know me before you prescribe these things, then you're not worthy of my time. So, like, when it came to healing, I didn't realize. You know, which was the amazing thing about this podcast? That there are people like you that exist. You know there are people that you can turn to to get inspiration. You know there are people that you can turn to to talk to. It wasn't until COVID came around and, um, you know, they started offering free therapy. Right, and free is my favorite price.
Speaker 3:So I was like free therapy and it took me a long time.
Speaker 2:It took me about 13 therapies and I finally found my therapist, dr Chang. Shout her out real quick, and one thing she got me doing was talking. And in that talking I found peace. You know, it was like I found comfort. I was finally releasing demons. You know, it was like I found comfort. I was finally releasing demons. You know, it was like they were coming out of me. We were having an exorcist and I didn't even know that's what we were doing, you know, and I thought it was really cool about it. We worked together for two years and then one day she tells me you don't need to see. Oh, she actually tells me I don't want to see you, no more. And I was like hold up, you're not gonna break up with me okay, hold up wait but she says you have people that love you.
Speaker 2:You need to start going to talk to them, you know so she was like I taught you how to talk, so now go talk. Go talk to people that need to hear what you have to say. You know that don't understand why you made the choices that you made. They don't understand why you took the the. You know, I tell people I never took no shortcuts, but I did take some back alleys and side streets you know, so you know I wasn't oh, I didn't cheat you, but I probably didn't always play fair either.
Speaker 2:Um and and but in communicating that and being able to talk and, like, express myself, you know, was like now. You know I have good relationships with my mom, good relationships with my brother. Unfortunately, my father passed away two years ago. But we had a good relationship and and you know, I started to realize what I was worthy of. But the most important thing out of that was that I knew what peace was. I was like, wow, this is crazy, this is what peace is. I laid down and went to sleep. I didn't think about nothing.
Speaker 3:Listen, there is nothing like peace and when you find that, you treasure it, right. A lot of people thrive in chaos and it's because they don't know peace, they've never known peace, because if you've known peace, you would not want chaos and and so. But our journey is all individual. Every little piece that we have to go through, whether it's the, the back alley, under the dumpster, behind the, you know the man laying on the corner, like, whatever that looks like for you, that's your particular journey and it's valid, right. And one of the things when I was in corporate leadership man, I can't even tell you how many times I would tell people. I would ask people like, are you okay?
Speaker 3:I was a leader of leaders and my employees would come to me and say, well, you know, come to me and say, well, you know, johnny's not doing this right or that, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like okay. So when did this start? And did you? Did you ask Johnny if he was okay? And they're looking at me like, well, johnny got a job to do. We pay him to do.
Speaker 2:X, y and Z and z.
Speaker 3:I'm like people bring their whole self to work right. You don't know I say this all the time you don't know if the kid threw up on his shoes, if the dog took a dump in the living room right as he was leaving out the door for work, his wife might have said I don't want to do this anymore. We have no idea. But johnny came in here and now he's different and we're not asking him yo are you good, right?
Speaker 3:are you all right? Because most corporations, most corporations, have an employee assistance program and through those programs they usually I'm to say everybody, but usually they offer some level of counseling and a lot of the times, the programs that they have, they might give you a few free sessions. Listen, I'm passing these out. Call these people. I do the same way, though.
Speaker 2:So I work at a company and I'm a manager and I am all about the EAP. What Quick Call them.
Speaker 1:Call them.
Speaker 2:You Quick Listen, call them Call them.
Speaker 3:You got money problems, call them. You got relationship problems. You got elder care problems Call them. And it's funny because Because I feel like it's important for me to give you the resources that you need in order to be successful.
Speaker 2:Definitely, and I always tell people like when you manage people. So I actually just went to like a fleet summit with my job and I got to present and talk about mental health, first aid, right, and it's basically you know, that's kind of what supervisors are People in positions, you're basically first aiders. You're supposed to recognize when something's wrong with the people around you.
Speaker 3:Listen. First aid, first responders.
Speaker 2:Right, you're a little bit of everything and see. So we work in the trucking industry and corporate. The corporate people who sit behind desks are really really hard on truckers, you know. So let a trucker get in an accident or let a trucker speed and you know my phone is ringing. You need to tell this guy to slow down. You need to tell this guy to slow down. You're gonna oh, you need to write this person up and it's like no, let's find out what's going on first and then we'll take it from there right you know.
Speaker 2:So that kind of was like a big lesson. It was so dope to hear you say that because that was such a part of my lesson like, do we know why? Like this is weird for this person. They normally don't. So shouldn't we ask the question are you okay or what's? You know? I, I really knows, I got my little, my little saying I talked to my truckers Do you want to be heard, you want to be helped or you want to be hugged? What do you need at this moment?
Speaker 2:So it was like and sometimes, you know, I think about I got a phone call one day. Sometimes, you know, I think about I got a phone call one day, 2.30 in the morning scared me to death. I answered a phone. I hear one of my truckers arguing with his pregnant girlfriend. All right, so of course it was a butt dial, but you could tell it got to the point now where she was hitting him. You know, probably pregnant hormones.
Speaker 2:You know, I don't know the whole story, I just know what I heard. But I know that he had to grab her and she was like yelling get off me, get off me. And I wanted to be like, yeah, get off her. But you can also hear her hitting him. And then he comes to work and he has a flat tire and then he gets a tire fix and then he gets pulled over by a police officer to do an inspection and then, after that happened, he got in an accident where someone actually hit him, ran into him, and it's like all these things happen right in the same day. Now, I was privileged to this information in the same day.
Speaker 2:This was all in the same day. This is how his day went. He woke up fighting with his girlfriend. I don't even know he went to sleep. They could have been fighting all night.
Speaker 1:You didn't even know.
Speaker 2:And it was like all these things happened and then my phone rings and it's corporate. Well, so when a trucker gets an accident, we kind of like have to call corporate or safety manager or stuff, and you know the first thing we want to do is, oh well, this is a preventable accident, you need to write him up, suspend him for three days and I'm like he's okay. Thanks for asking, you know. But you know, it was like that was one of the lessons that taught me, like all those things probably led up to this accident.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know all of those things you know and I think I think the other thing is too it was no. What wasn't an accident was that you got that butt dial and heard that conversation right, because had you not had that piece of it, you may have had a different perspective, right, and so you may not have. You may not have immediately thought like bro's having a bad day, right, you may have just been like what the hell's he got?
Speaker 3:going on but you know, but the but, the fact of the matter is that the universe, the lord or whoever we believe in, allowed you to hear that conversation and it gave you a different perspective that you probably apply in other situations. Like hey, I don't really know what happened before this, so let me try to see if because sometimes people don't want to share, like we get very private but sometimes people might share with you if they feel like they can, and that's that communication piece, like if we don't feel like a person can talk to us or they can tell us things, then we have to realize there's a reason for that and usually it's because they don't feel safe.
Speaker 3:And that's what it comes down to If they don't feel safe if they feel like that information is going to be used against them. They're going to be like, yeah, no, everything's great, Safety is such a big part in healing.
Speaker 2:We know that we need to be safe first before we can heal. You can't heal and be unsafe, and so it was like I just wanted to point that out. You mentioned that, but it's like hey let's come back real quick because there are a lot of people.
Speaker 3:No, we do need to be in that safety. There are a lot of people, no, we do.
Speaker 2:There are a lot of people that there aren't in safe environments and they want to heal but they don't know how to get out of those unhealthy, unsafe kind of environments and look, this is how we tell people there's plenty of places for you to look.
Speaker 2:There's plenty of people out here that are willing to help. You can go to our website and we got millions of people we talk to. We're probably not millions, but I did find out that we're at 300 episodes and I didn't know that. So, yeah, I was like you know, someone emailed me yesterday and they're like wow, 300 episodes, that's such an incredible thing to accomplish. And I'm like yo, it really is, Congratulations. You know, I'm thinking they're telling me about themselves and they're like no fool, you got 300. And I'm like, ow, my bad, you are wrong bro Right.
Speaker 2:So, oh, we got 300 episodes. Yeah, you're right, that is kind of something. I knew that. Yeah, I knew that, but it's because I believe in healing. But I wanted to say, luckily for me, I learned compassion for myself in my healing stage. So, because I did learn compassion for myself, I have compassion for others Sometimes maybe a little too much compassion. But something kind of really incredible kind of happened. Me and my mom watch a lot of TV together. Right, my mom likes action movies, but watching TV together is our bonding time and I like drama. You know what I'm saying. But we were watching, we were watching the show and it was good trouble, um and uh, I love that show. Have you seen the rest of it?
Speaker 2:all of it oh my god, I can't think of her name, gael's girlfriend, the one that was pregnant, yes, I don't know her name, but I can't think of her name.
Speaker 3:Well, we were watching it with my mom, or?
Speaker 2:whatever. And my mom was like, oh, I don't know her name, her name doesn't matter, well, we're watching it with my mom or whatever. And my mom was like I don't like her, she's shady. You know, it was like one of those episodes I just don't like her, she's shady, and I'm like, and she was like you don't think so. And I was like, well, you know, not really, because she kind of grew up with really bad parents. You know, like her, her parents, love was conditional her parents were wild and their love was conditional.
Speaker 2:And their love was conditional. She didn't have unconditional love, so of course that's what she's looking for. So she's making all of these mistakes because she's looking for what she never had, but what she wants, you know, and my mom turns to me and looks at me and she was like maybe you are good at this, but it was the fact that to me it was like the compassion in it. You know, I had compassion for who she was as a person, because as we're talking, we're all discovering we don't know what's going on with other people, we don't know what's happening in their lives. And then, number one, we're not the judge.
Speaker 2:None of us are the God or, like you said, universe or whatever it is you believe in. Though we all judge, it's still not our place, you know, and that's kind of how I try to live. It's like I love everybody right now. It's just a flaw. I think I'm just. You know it's a flaw. I shouldn't love everybody, but I do. I love everybody, but it came with compassion, learning compassion for myself and knowing that I did things because that was what I knew how to do, based on the information I had, based on the way I was being treated and based on what I knew. This was my only response. You know, so I didn't know no better. So how can I be angry at myself for not knowing no better? You know, but I went and found out. So we're not giving nobody excuses. Just because you don't know better, don't mean you can't go find out, okay.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, and I but that's that's the, that's the hardest part is going to find out. Right, you gotta you don't know any better, but do you want to do better? Does it? Does it feel good? If it doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel good. What are you going to do differently? Right, and then? And then go go find out, go figure it out and and I'm glad that you said you had compassion for yourself, because I tell people all the time you got to give yourself some grace, we some, we're so hard on ourselves.
Speaker 3:Um, we put this pressure on ourselves a lot of the time. That is undue and we don't give ourselves grace like you deserve some grace too. It's not just we don't. We'll have grace for other people, especially those folks who, who are very compassionate. Right, we're like we have all this grace. Oh, they just. And we da-da-da-da, and we're over here being, we're tearing ourselves down. Why didn't you do that? Big dummy, big like Fred Sanford? Right, you're being dummy and we're over here talking to ourselves in that way and we're giving all the grace to everybody else and we're pouring all the tea out of our cups into somebody else's cup and we're leaving nothing for ourselves. You gotta have some compassion for yourself, have some grace for yourself, give yourself, forgive yourself um and give yourself room to grow and to learn and to do better and to learn that you deserve all of those things like we're.
Speaker 2:We're living life right, so they're gonna be good or bad days, they're gonna be up and down moments, but in all that you can still have happiness, you can still have peace, you can still have love. You can have unconditional love you know it's like you have all these things.
Speaker 2:um. So we get a lot of emails and it's always a common thing theme amongst emails that we get and is that people don't feel like their issue is big enough. You know, they know somebody that has it worse. You know like, oh, at least I have a roof over my head, or you know I'm not hungry today, and or you know so, and so is sleeping on my couch, and you know, and those it drives me crazy to hear that because I'm like, once again it comes like you're saying you know, here we are having grace for all these other people, but it's like, ok for you to have your moment. But what do you say to those? To those people, because those are people that are watching, the people that feel like you know what my trauma isn't big enough, my problem isn't large enough. Like you know what my trauma isn't big enough, my problem isn't large enough. So I need to focus on everybody else's or understand that I should be grateful because it's not worse, and it's like you can't heal.
Speaker 3:in that I feel like Right, you can't heal in that. And what I say to those people I give the example of you ever had a splinter?
Speaker 2:Unfortunately.
Speaker 3:yes, Right, probably just about everybody has had a splinter before. If you've never had a splinter, good for you. If you've had a splinter, you will know that it can be the tiniest little sliver and it is so annoying. Right and, and one of my, one of my kids, my middle son, when he was probably about four, he given him a bath. I looked at his finger and I said his thumb and I said what's that? And he's like nothing. And I'm like no, there's something. And I was like looks like it could be a splinter. But it had grown over, right, so the skin, because it doesn't take long, the skin had started to grow over and I'm like, oh boy, there's something in there. We got to get it out. And at this point I don't, I can't, I can't get it out.
Speaker 3:There's no, there's me personally, you know, old school parent you take the needle needle the lighter and you then sterilize the needle and put some alcohol on it and you try to just get that thing out. And it was. It had started to swell, right. It was like slightly swollen, little bit red, because now it's becoming infected, because this little tiny thing is inside and I can't get it out because I'm not a doctor and I'm slightly a lot of it right.
Speaker 2:And then it's your child, and now you're thinking the worst because it's your child, right?
Speaker 3:so and I'm like. So now we got to take him to the doctor and he did not like to go to the doctor for whatever reason, and he was like no, mommy, it's fine, it's fine.
Speaker 3:And he's like pressing it down, I'm like I know that guy take him to the doctor and they had to open it up to get to, to release the pressure right and to get to release the pressure the right and to release the pressure, the building infection and to get that tiny, like tiny little splinter out. And so, while we think that what we have, our trauma, is that tiny little splinter in somebody else, they got exposed bone right and so their trauma is way worse than ours. No, because guess what? That tiny little splinter, that tiny little infection that is happening, could end up poisoning your entire body Because we never dealt with it.
Speaker 3:And so that's what I look at when I say to people who feel like you know, I didn't have it as bad as somebody else. Comparison is the thief of joy. We're not supposed to be comparing our traumas. We're not supposed to be thinking like, well, I've always had a roof over my head or I've always. Just because you didn't have it as bad as somebody else doesn't mean that that splinter is not going to cause you problems, so you got to take care of you. It's that airplane situation, right, you got to put your mask on before you assist someone else.
Speaker 3:It's that I can't pour from an empty cup. Stop comparing your trauma to someone else. It's that I can't pour from an empty cup. Stop comparing your trauma to someone else's. Get yourself together so that you can be better for somebody else, and mainly for yourself. But we think that, because we have a little splinter, oh, it's going to be fine. It's going to be fine and next thing, you know, I chop your thumb off.
Speaker 2:You're right. I mean, it was such a dope story and I'm probably going to use it. I'm just going to let you know I'm stealing it. Okay, I got it from Paisley y'all, but I'm stealing it. I kind of had a similar saying, though, because you know people. Yeah, I used to say a paper cut.
Speaker 3:You know it's like if a paper cut is the worst pain you ever felt, that you've ever felt.
Speaker 2:So it's like it is, it's right, it is equal. You know, it's not that mine's is worse and that yours is better. And yes, cancer sucks. Okay, and I don't had a paper cut and I had cancer and there's no comparison. Cancer sucks. But if all you ever had was a paper cut, paper cuts hurt, they do Pretty much. Yeah, but the thing that was kind of cool about your story it's like the buildup of how now it went from.
Speaker 2:He didn't tell you about the splinter, so now it's getting infected, now it's swelling up, you know. But this is it's funny because it's like in your story, communication is kind an issue in that too. Right, you should say, hey, ma, I had a splinter right or look something's wrong with my finger. If he noticed and I'll tell you why that I actually had the scar on my leg when I was younger I had to be like nine years old and I decided to pick it. One day it was like what the hell is this, you know? And I just pick it off. And I picked it off and a twig this long flew out with pus. What I didn't even know.
Speaker 2:The splinter was in my leg the whole time. I don't even, I can't even tell you where I got it from. All I know is that you can like look through my leg like it was a legit hole and I'm like how long was it there? And it was so, so much pus and then it was so much blood, and even now I still have a hole where, like you know, it's like a crevice. Now you know so it's. You know so your story. It was like when you were saying that it was like to me it was true, you know, I didn't know it was there, or I didn't pay any attention to it, or you know right. And then it's like what else was happening in my life that I didn't notice? I got a splinter that big, you know, it's like we gotta be mindful sometimes.
Speaker 3:But we, we do, and sometimes and you don't, and sometimes, like in that situation, you don't know until you know right you're like what is this? And oh well, that's what it is being curious and looking.
Speaker 2:It was so crazy how it flew out my leg. It was waiting for it to be open and it flew out and it was like puss. I was like this is the most nastiest but most interesting thing I ever saw. Right, but it was waiting to be released. That's what I was going to say.
Speaker 3:It was in there and it was waiting to be released. And that's what I was going to say. It was in there and it was waiting to be released. You just had to pull the scab off so that it could be released, and now it could heal properly, and the thing about it, though, is that it was released.
Speaker 2:It doesn't matter how it's released. You know, there's no such thing as releasing it good or bad way. That shit shot the hell out of my way. You know what I'm saying. I mean, if it was?
Speaker 3:You're with the Fourth of July. We got fireworks coming out the lake.
Speaker 2:I mean, but it's the same way. Maybe that's a way that you need to release your trauma. Maybe you need to have a blow up. I always tell people if you need to punch a wall, punch a wall. We can fix that wall. Just don't punch me right. If you need to break a glass, break a glass. I went, I was in Miami and they have, like them, glass breaking things. I thought it was corny as hell until I did it and it was crazy because you got to write what you wanted to write on the pet plates and then you just smashed them against the walls.
Speaker 2:I wrote about cancer and I wrote about sexual abuse, you know, and I wrote about the church and just everything that traumatized me and I was breaking that shit and it was just seeing it symbolically, you know. So I came home and I was like, okay, we gotta keep getting rid of shit, right? So I started writing down on pieces of paper everything that was bothering me and then I buried it. Because you know what? We buried dead shit.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying, so I'm going to go ahead and bury these issues and let them be dead you know, one of the things I tell people to do too, is write it down and put it in a a, a container that is um fireproof right. It could be. It could be a bowl, it could be a pot, it could be and burn that shit like burn it because nobody's digging it up it's gone and so whatever works for you, you won't bury it you.
Speaker 3:You burn it Whatever you need to do. But sometimes we do need to just get some things out and release them, and whatever is going to work for you. Some people think it's corny, they think it's witchcraft. I don't care what you think it is, if it's going to help me if it's going to help somebody else, then do what works for you.
Speaker 3:And a lot of times we get so caught up into what other people think. The church said this. The pastor said I don't give a damn. If it's gonna make it better for you and you're not hurting anybody else, then right. Oh my god, we have so much in common.
Speaker 1:I love you already.
Speaker 2:I'm like you know what you definitely got to come back on, because we got so much stuff in common.
Speaker 2:But it was like which is showing me that I am healing, because everything that you're saying is true. And I know it's true because it sounds true. It resonates with me. That's one thing about the truth. You hear it and I know it's true because it sounds true. It resonates with me, you know. That's one thing about the truth. You hear it, you know it when you hear it, right. You know. My thing is like if you second guessing something, it is not the truth. You know, if you had a second guess, it's not the truth, or and it could be, but maybe it's not the truth at that moment, because it just depends on who. We are right. Truth is an individual thing. I go back to me. I see that my mom sacrificed. That's true to me. My mom sees that she made choices that were necessity to her life and she's fine with those choices. That's true to her.
Speaker 2:They can both be true, they can both be true, but it's kind of like you saying, let's start ripping off those wounds If the shit got to explode, as let's start ripping off those wounds if the shit gotta explode, as long as you don't hurt nobody and you don't hurt yourself, right?
Speaker 3:and that's when my kids, when they were younger, I would tell them it's okay to be angry, it's not okay to hurt yourself or other people. Right, we're gonna be angry about some things cause it's not okay to hurt yourself or other people. Right, we're going to be angry about some things because because sometimes some shitty stuff happens, right, as long as you're not hurting yourself and you're not hurting anybody else, be mad, go in there, punch the pillow, don't tear up my house, please, but but do do what you need to do to get it out.
Speaker 3:And you know, and sometimes for some people, my kids are with sports. They leave it on the track, leave it on the football field, whatever you need to do, get it out. If you need to scream and I had to give my kids the opportunity and I think a lot of parents don't always do this, because I'm big on respect Like what you're not going to do is talk to me crazy. However, comma, you do have. I gave them all the option. Right, you have an opportunity to come to me, not in the moment.
Speaker 1:Now if I'm mad, don't. Don't try to keep your face in the moment.
Speaker 3:Cause. Now that comes off as disrespect. But you can come back to me and say, Mom, can we talk about what happened yesterday or earlier, or whatever right. And then you have the option to say I need you to listen and not speak, because I'm a problem solver, because some of you come to me with something I'm like wait a minute, what's the problem?
Speaker 1:Let's figure it out.
Speaker 3:But they have the option to come to me and say, hey, you can, you can. I need you to just listen. I don't want you to. I don't want you to give me a response, I just need you to hear me because sometimes some people just need to be heard.
Speaker 2:Now my middle child, that one pulled that card all the time.
Speaker 3:Mom, I just need to be heard, hugged or help, which one you need and what and what people don't understand about. Help is helpful. Help is not helpful if it's not helping. So what I consider help and what you consider help may not be helping you. So you know, I gave them that option. You can come to me, you can say what you need to say, not in the moment, because when you get disrespectful it's going to be a problem in the situation.
Speaker 3:But when you come to me and I need you to hear me, then we can do that.
Speaker 2:It's cool that you're saying that, because I think that that's a big part of communication telling people what you need. You know, and it's so amazing Crystal actually is really she's kind of kind of I was going to say she's kind of a really good mom, but not kind of she's a really good mom, but she kind of does the same thing with her kids, like her kids know they could come to her and talk to her about anything. I kind of was the same way with my parents. I just didn't because I thought their life was in danger. But you know, now I talk to my mom about anything.
Speaker 2:But you know, I'm going to go back to my trauma a little bit, right, so my whole life had female barbers, right. And then the last female barber I had, we had a breakup because she was crazy, she needed some help and she wasn't willing to accept it at the time and I just couldn't deal with it. You know, it was like I'm going to offer and you don't have to take it and I'm cool with that, but then I don't want to keep hearing about it. Do something about it or don't talk to me about it, you know.
Speaker 3:That part it's excellent. Because I'm going to listen for a certain amount of time. Right, I just need my hair cut.
Speaker 2:I'm going to sit here and listen if I can, but no, really I mean. So we had a fall in the house, so it came to the only next barber I found that was sexually assaulted by men my whole life, you know, and it wasn't just one man, it was like several men. So I just don't like to be touched by men, you know. So now it's awkward because I'm sitting in a barber chair and he's cutting my hair and you know he's doing what he does and he's pushing me and lifting my head and you know, barbers they just don't, they just they gonna put you where they need you not thinking that you might be kind of filthy.
Speaker 3:So they can, right, I mean.
Speaker 2:I had one barber that like puts me all the way in, like the chokehold, and I'm like dang.
Speaker 3:Excuse me, mr, sir, my neck doesn't go that way.
Speaker 2:And then it was like now my head is in your belly and I feel awkward, because not only are you touching, me, but I'm touching you too.
Speaker 2:Um and so, and I want to go home with with a half right, but um, one thing that I noticed is that I started my stomach started to hurt, I started to feel cramps. Honestly, I started to feel like I needed to take a shit. I'm like this is such a wrong time to take a shit. But I was actually going through like panic, you know, I was going through anxiety. You know. I wanted to run. I was like fuck this haircut, I just just need to go. And I did that for a couple of haircuts and then finally I realized this is not safe for me. It's not good for me to be sitting here having these feelings. What if I react poorly to something that isn't meant to be that way? So I finally turned around and.
Speaker 2:I told my barber To me it was the truth. Look, I was sexually assaulted as a child. I just my barber to me, it was the truth. Look, I was sexually assaulted as a child. I just need you to tell me what you gonna do before you do it. Right, okay, if you gotta push my head to the left, tell me. Hey, I'm gonna push your head to the left, I'm gonna push your head to the right. You lift up for me, like I can help with this. You know, we the barber.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:Just tell me which way you need me to be, but you're triggering things and I don't want to come see you no more. So you're a really good barber, you do really good on my haircut.
Speaker 2:I don't want to break up this relationship. However, you're not giving me what I need. I don't feel safe, right? So I realized and he was cool with it, never asked any questions I go to the barbershop and he makes it known alright, pick your head up, go this way, do this, you know. And now it's funny because he finds himself doing it with, like all his customers, you know which is a good thing, but to me it's kind of like what you said.
Speaker 2:Like you have to tell people you know you have to. It's so dope that you let your kids do that, be able to voice how they really feel and be able to say, like I don't want you to fix it, I just want you to hear me, you know. So that's pretty cool.
Speaker 3:Now, before we go, I think it's important for us to be able to communicate and communication, like you said before, it is a key in relationships. A lot of the times we're out here, we have poor relationships familial relationships, romantic relationships, business relationships because we're afraid to communicate and usually that becomes because we don't feel that we're safe, and so we need to create safe places in these relationships where that we can communicate in a way that is effective and people actually feel heard and and respected, right, important, and just that example of being able to tell the barber yo listen, bro, this is my truth and this is what I need from you in this moment, but kudos to him for listening.
Speaker 3:Because a lot of the times people don't even listen, they'd be like oh man shut up, Go get you another barber Right With trust. I would have had no problem going to do Cool.
Speaker 2:You don't want this, no problem.
Speaker 3:Goodbye sir, like he right with the trust I would have had no problem going to do cool.
Speaker 2:You don't want this goodbye, sir, goodbye, I'm gonna pay you to feel uncomfortable. You tripping right, but now, before we go, um, is there anything that you would like to discuss? Look, we didn't all. We talk about your services, what you do. We just been over here talking like I want to know about the book.
Speaker 2:I know so look. So I know we're running, but if you could take the time to tell the people how they can contact you about your book, the services you offer. And then to me I always one question I always like to ask is there a point in somebody's healing journey that is best for them to seek your services?
Speaker 3:Right? Well, I do coaching. You can find me at DeLacy Paisley. That's D-E-L-A-C-Y Paisley P-A-I-S-L-E-Y dot com. That's my website. I'm DeLacy Paisley on all platforms as well.
Speaker 3:My book is a book of affirmations. It is I Am the Dopest. It is 55 affirmations for living your dope life. Dope is DOP for dope on purpose, and the definition that I assigned to it is someone or something excellent, great, impressive, and it's really about teaching people to use affirmations to tap into the dopest part of yourself. Sometimes we just need to uncover the things that are deep inside. Right that we're intrinsically dope. We were born this way, so sometimes you just got to uncover it. And so that's the book of affirmations.
Speaker 3:The next book that is launching this summer is the Soul Sip collection of dope life affirmations. So my podcast is called Sipping and Soul Speak. It's a live video podcast. We go live on Wednesdays at 7 pm and the book is going to be infused with a little bit of sip and a lot of soul, but we talk about whatever we're sipping on and we tell people that can be anything from sparkling water to sparkling wine, everything in between and beyond. There are people who come and they imbibe with us, and some people we do cocktails and mocktails and more. So some people come every week and they don't even drink alcohol at all and I love that, because they come in like I'm drinking my Spindrill.
Speaker 2:Okay, and I'm going to check it out now. I'm going to check it out, I'm going to check out everything. And actually, so you know, because you have a book, I want an autographed copy, but I'll pay for it, so we just got to work that out.
Speaker 1:We just got to work that out.
Speaker 2:I don't mind supporting him, but you know people too, my best friend Micah, because my new BS. As soon as you blow up, I'm going to sell it. I ain't going to tell you no lie. I'm selling it because I know you, so I can just get another autograph.
Speaker 3:You can sell one and you can keep the other Alright cool. Yeah, but that's a little bit about me. That's where you can find me and that's who I am. I love corporate leadership to do my own thing, so I am located in the DMV currently, which is the DC, maryland and Virginia area, and I was born in NYC.
Speaker 2:I actually lived in Virginia for a long time, and now I'm back in New York. It was home, I love it. I was like I got to go back. And now I'm back in New York, though, it was home, I love it. I was like I got to go back, but it's crazy. I took the chance on myself moving right by myself in a car. Everything that could fit in my car is what I left with Right, everything else I left behind. And so I applied. This is how I said I do it. I knew I was at a stagnant. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm going to let you go. I promise I was at a stagnant point in my life where I felt like I'm not doing nothing, I'm not accomplishing shit, I'm really not living, you know. So I was like, but I also knew that I could no longer do that. Where I was, everybody around me was dead. They had dead souls. You know they were miserable. They were happy in their misery. I just couldn't witness it. No, more.
Speaker 2:You know I'm gonna get stressed out more about your situation than you are right. I'm like over here worried about so-and-so because her husband's alcoholic and she over there buying him beer and I'm like what the fuck? I need? All I need to get my ID card. This don't make no sense.
Speaker 3:This math is not math, right.
Speaker 2:So I was like, okay, I need to start. So I was like I just need to get away from all this. So I put my resume out there just to any position that I liked that I thought was available. I put my application out there to like a whole bunch of places Charlotte, Atlanta, San Francisco just random places, If it was a job that I could do. That's why I applied and the pre-bid had called me was in New York, of course, because I guess they knew I was a New Yorker so I had to come back or whatever. You know, but it was the best thing I ever did. Choosing myself completely changed my life, you know, and it's like to me that's the biggest message of our podcast and why we exist, because it's like I spent a lot of time doing this, but I do it because y'all could be out there happy, like knowing what happiness is, you know. You could be in there with like legit smiles I've seen those tiktok smiles.
Speaker 3:Have you seen those? Seen those?
Speaker 2:TikTok videos. I don't know. I realize lately I follow really strange people, right, I've been seeing some crazy stuff on my TikTok. In these it's like this was 15 minutes before this person committed suicide. They were so happy, they were laughing and they were having fun. If you looked at the video 15 minutes, if you looked at the video 15 minutes. But if you looked at the video, they looked like everything was fine. I was living that way, you know, and it was like everything was not fine and I had to get to a place where I could be fine, and that was taking the chance on myself, knowing what I deserve or starting to realize what I deserve, what I was worth. You know, it's like I'm not all the bad things that happen to me.
Speaker 2:They don't even have to be a part of my life anymore.
Speaker 3:And that's a whole episode.
Speaker 2:That's a whole nother podcast, right, but anyway, I think that you were amazing. I'm so glad we finally finally got a chance to talk. I am going to try to reach out to you to get you back on, right, yeah, so, because I feel like there's so much more that we could say. I hope that you had a good time while you were here because, like I said, I did.
Speaker 3:I'm glad that we were able to connect. I'm glad that you were able to have me on and I'd be happy to come on.
Speaker 2:That is amazing, yeah. So thank you so much, paisley. We're going to put all your information, of course, at the bottom of the episode and you'll be on our website, so we definitely going to send people your way. I'm going to follow you on all social media, so don't worry about being annoying. You were easy to talk to.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And that's a skill not everybody has, you know. So I say that to say, if you're watching and you need somebody and you feel like you need some direction and you're looking for a coach and you're looking for some influence, then who better than our new sis Paisley? You know, that is who I needall need to go to, because you made it. You made this conversation very, very smooth and easy and you went everywhere it went, and that's how people are healing. That's how it happens for them, right? We don't stay on one route. We try to take all the roads at the same time, and the fact that you were able to kind of like keep up with Micah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you gonna keep up with me. You might get a trophy in the mail for the first guest that was able to keep up with me. I'm just playing other guests. Okay, I love all 300 of y'all, but thank you so much for coming on, you guys. We will see you soon. We'll see you next week. Peace, love and blessings.
Speaker 3:Bye.